Once In A Blue Moon


Relationships are complex, and sometimes they reach a point where one or both partners contemplate ending them. While there are various reasons for the dissolution of a relationship, one less talked about but important aspect is the phenomenon of devaluation as an exit strategy. Devaluation occurs when one partner begins to diminish the worth or importance of the other in their eyes, consciously or unconsciously. In this article, we will explore the concept of devaluation as an exit strategy in relationships, how it manifests, and the potential consequences.

The Subtle Beginnings

Devaluation rarely happens overnight; it often starts subtly. At the beginning of a relationship, partners usually hold each other in high regard, cherishing their qualities and companionship. However, as issues or conflicts arise, one partner might start to devalue the other as a defense mechanism or a way to justify their desire to exit the relationship.

  1. Criticism: One of the earliest signs of devaluation is an increase in criticism. A partner who once celebrated their significant other’s qualities now begins to nitpick, highlighting flaws and shortcomings.
  2. Emotional Withdrawal: Devaluation often goes hand in hand with emotional withdrawal. The partner who is considering an exit may distance themselves emotionally, becoming less responsive to their partner’s needs and feelings.
  3. Blame Game: Rather than taking responsibility for their part in conflicts or issues, the partner resorting to devaluation may consistently place blame on the other, painting them as the source of all problems in the relationship.

Escalation of Devaluation

As devaluation intensifies, it can have increasingly detrimental effects on the relationship:

  1. Emotional Abuse: Devaluation can escalate into emotional abuse, where one partner deliberately belittles or humiliates the other. This can lead to long-lasting emotional scars.
  2. Isolation: The partner employing devaluation may isolate the other from friends and family, further eroding their support system and self-esteem.
  3. Lack of Empathy: Empathy and understanding diminish as devaluation takes root, making it difficult for both partners to communicate effectively and resolve issues.

Consequences of Devaluation

Devaluation is a destructive pattern that can have profound consequences:

  1. Relationship Breakdown: Ultimately, devaluation often leads to the demise of the relationship, as the devalued partner may choose to leave or the devaluing partner may push them away.
  2. Emotional Trauma: The partner who experiences devaluation may suffer from emotional trauma, leading to self-doubt, anxiety, and depression.
  3. Repeating Patterns: If not addressed, the devaluing partner may carry this pattern into future relationships, perpetuating a cycle of emotional harm.

Breaking the Cycle

If you recognize devaluation in your relationship, it’s crucial to address it:

  1. Open Communication: Honest, respectful, and open communication is essential. Discuss your feelings, concerns, and the impact of devaluation on the relationship.
  2. Seek Professional Help: Consider couples therapy or counseling to work through underlying issues and develop healthier ways to relate to each other.
  3. Self-Reflection: Both partners should engage in self-reflection to identify their contributions to the relationship’s problems and make necessary changes.


Devaluation as an exit strategy in a relationship is a painful and damaging experience for both partners involved. Recognizing the signs early and taking proactive steps to address this behavior is crucial to either salvage the relationship or end it with dignity and respect. Building a healthier foundation for future relationships requires self-awareness, empathy, and a commitment to breaking the cycle of devaluation.

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