Once In A Blue Moon


Navigating a relationship with a narcissist can be an emotionally draining and tumultuous experience. These individuals are often characterized by their manipulative behaviors, self-centeredness, and a constant need for admiration. When a narcissist discards someone, it typically marks the end of the relationship, at least temporarily. However, what does it mean when a narcissist doesn’t hoover after discarding you? Does it signify a change in their behavior, or is there more to it than meets the eye? In this article, we will explore the implications of a narcissist not hoovering and why it should be seen as a positive development.

Understanding the Hoovering Phenomenon

To grasp the significance of a narcissist not hoovering, it’s essential to first understand what “hoovering” means in the context of narcissistic behavior. Hoovering refers to the narcissist’s attempt to reestablish contact with a person they have previously discarded or left. This could involve a variety of tactics, such as sending messages, making phone calls, or even showing up in person. The goal of hoovering is to regain control, manipulate the individual, or simply fulfill their need for attention.

Why Some Narcissists Don’t Hoover

  1. Realization of Limited Control:

One possible reason why a narcissist might refrain from hoovering is the realization that the targeted individual is no longer easy to control. Narcissists thrive on manipulating others and having power over them. If they sense that their former partner has become independent, assertive, and unwilling to tolerate mistreatment, they may choose to move on to more vulnerable targets.

  1. Recognition of Resistance:

Narcissists are not oblivious to the fact that their behaviors are often hurtful and damaging. If you have taken steps to protect yourself, set boundaries, and prioritize your well-being, the narcissist may recognize your resistance and understand that you won’t easily succumb to their tactics. This can deter them from attempting to hoover.

  1. Fear of Exposure:

As individuals become more aware of narcissistic abuse and manipulation tactics, some narcissists may fear being exposed or held accountable for their actions. They may choose to avoid any contact to prevent you from sharing your experiences with others who could also become enlightened about their true nature.

  1. Shifting Focus:

It’s important to note that a narcissist not hoovering doesn’t necessarily mean they have found someone else. Narcissists often shift their focus from one target to another as they seek constant validation and admiration. If they feel they can obtain this elsewhere, they may not feel the need to hoover.

The Significance of a Narcissist Not Hoovering

While it can be tempting to interpret a narcissist’s lack of hoovering as a sign of their personal growth or a change in their behavior, it’s crucial to maintain a realistic perspective. A narcissist’s primary motivation is self-interest, and their actions are often driven by a desire for control and attention.

If a narcissist doesn’t hoover after discarding you, it is more likely a reflection of your personal growth and strength rather than a transformation in the narcissist. It signifies that you have become resilient and have established healthy boundaries. You should be proud of yourself for not falling prey to their manipulation.


In conclusion, when a narcissist doesn’t hoover after discarding you, it should be seen as a positive development. It indicates that you have taken steps to protect yourself and have become less susceptible to their manipulative tactics. Remember that a narcissist’s behavior is rooted in their self-centeredness and a desire for control, and their decision not to hoover is more about their assessment of your resistance than any genuine change on their part. Continue to prioritize your well-being, maintain your boundaries, and seek support from professionals or support groups if needed to heal from the effects of narcissistic abuse.

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