Support only works when there’s a foundation to hold it. You can offer advice, resources, time, and energy, but if the person you’re trying to help does not like or respect you, your efforts will almost always fail. Influence is relational. If someone distrusts your character or resents your presence, they will reject even your best intentions.

Help requires access. Not physical access, but emotional and psychological access. Respect is the doorway that lets influence through. Without it, even the most insightful guidance sounds like noise. Even the most generous offering feels intrusive. People listen to those they trust, admire, or feel aligned with. Without that connection, your words will be dismissed and your actions misunderstood.

Liking also matters. When someone likes you, they are more likely to assume you mean well, even if your delivery is imperfect. They’ll give your feedback the benefit of the doubt. They’ll reflect rather than react. But if dislike has taken root, everything you do becomes filtered through suspicion. Even your silence can be perceived as judgment.

Many people try to help from a position of authority or frustration, not relationship. They think their knowledge or urgency is enough. But when someone feels criticized, belittled, or talked down to, they become defensive, not receptive. They close off. They dig in. Even if you’re right, it won’t matter. It’s not about correctness. It’s about connection.

This doesn’t mean you have to be liked by everyone to be helpful. But it does mean that if someone actively dislikes or disrespects you, the door for your help is locked — and forcing it open only makes things worse. The better path is to restore the relationship first. Rebuild trust. Show understanding. Listen before speaking. Only then can the support you offer actually land.

In short, help only helps when it’s welcomed. And for it to be welcomed, the person offering it must be liked, respected, or both. Otherwise, what you think is help becomes noise at best, and damage at worst. Influence starts with relationship. Build that first.