Once In A Blue Moon


In the complex landscape of modern relationships, some individuals resort to unconventional tactics to maintain control and keep others emotionally invested. One such manipulative strategy involves hurting people and then ghosting them, all in an attempt to keep them on the hook. This behavior is not only toxic but also emotionally damaging to those on the receiving end. In this article, we will explore this dark side of relationships and shed light on why it is crucial to recognize and resist such manipulation.

Understanding the Motive

At first glance, the idea of hurting someone you are interested in or care about seems counterintuitive. However, for some, the motive behind this behavior is rooted in a desire to maintain control and keep the other person emotionally invested. This often stems from insecurity, a fear of vulnerability, or a need for validation. By keeping the other person on the hook, the manipulator can enjoy the sense of power and control that comes with knowing someone cares deeply for them, even if they do not reciprocate those feelings.

The Cycle of Manipulation

  1. Inflicting Pain: The manipulator starts by intentionally hurting the other person emotionally. This can take various forms, such as belittling comments, betrayal, or creating situations that lead to emotional distress. The goal is to create a sense of emotional dependence on the manipulator.
  2. Withdrawing and Ghosting: After inflicting emotional pain, the manipulator suddenly withdraws. They may become distant, unresponsive, or even disappear completely, effectively ghosting the other person. This sudden withdrawal leaves the victim in a state of confusion and anxiety.
  3. Intermittent Reinforcement: Here lies the crux of the manipulation. After a period of withdrawal, the manipulator may reappear, showing affection and interest. This intermittent reinforcement keeps the victim hopeful and invested in the relationship, as they continue to chase the emotional highs of the manipulator’s intermittent affection.

The Psychological Impact

This manipulative cycle can have severe psychological consequences for the victim:

  1. Emotional Turmoil: The victim experiences a rollercoaster of emotions, swinging between moments of hope and despair. This emotional turbulence can lead to anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth.
  2. Dependency: The victim becomes emotionally dependent on the manipulator, believing that their happiness and self-esteem are tied to the manipulator’s actions and approval.
  3. Isolation: Victims of this manipulation often isolate themselves from friends and family, as they become consumed by their efforts to please and understand the manipulator.

Breaking Free from Manipulation

Recognizing and breaking free from such a toxic relationship is essential for one’s well-being:

  1. Self-awareness: Acknowledge the manipulation and understand that it is not a healthy or loving relationship.
  2. Set Boundaries: Establish and enforce clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.
  3. Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist who can provide emotional support and guidance.
  4. No Contact: Consider cutting off all contact with the manipulator to break the cycle and regain your emotional independence.


Hurting others and ghosting them as a last-ditch attempt to keep them on the hook is a manipulative and destructive behavior. It preys on the emotions of the victim and leaves scars that can last long after the relationship ends. Recognizing these tactics, understanding the motives behind them, and taking steps to break free are essential for preserving one’s mental and emotional health. In the end, healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and genuine affection, not manipulation and emotional games.

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