Life is filled with uncertainties, what-ifs, and missed opportunities, and it’s easy to get caught up in things that aren’t. Whether it’s wishing for a better past, imagining an alternate present, or obsessing over things outside your control, focusing on what isn’t can drain your energy and leave you stuck.

The key to growth and fulfillment lies in focusing on what is—the reality of the present and the things within your power to influence. Here’s why this shift in perspective is crucial and how to practice it.

Why You Can’t Do Much About What Isn’t

1. The Past Can’t Be Changed

Regret is a natural human emotion, but dwelling on things that didn’t happen or could have been only keeps you anchored in the past. No matter how much you analyze or replay events, you can’t rewrite them.

• Example: You can’t go back in time to take a different job or mend a broken relationship, but you can learn from those experiences and make better choices moving forward.

2. The Future Is Unpredictable

While planning for the future is important, obsessing over hypothetical scenarios is futile. Things rarely unfold exactly as imagined, and worrying about what isn’t yet real wastes valuable energy.

• Example: Instead of worrying about whether you’ll get that promotion, focus on excelling in your current role and building skills that make you a strong candidate.

3. You Can’t Control External Factors

So much of life—other people’s actions, global events, or unforeseen challenges—is beyond your control. Fixating on what you can’t change only leads to frustration and a sense of helplessness.

• Example: You can’t control the economy, but you can control your spending habits, saving strategies, and career development.

Why Focusing on What Is Matters

1. It Grounds You in Reality

By focusing on what is, you anchor yourself in the present moment, where real change can happen. You stop wasting energy on hypotheticals and direct it toward tangible actions.

• What It Looks Like: Instead of longing for the perfect opportunity, assess your current situation and ask, What can I do today to improve my circumstances?

2. It Empowers You

Acknowledging what is gives you a sense of agency. You can’t rewrite the past or predict the future, but you can take meaningful steps in the present.

• What It Looks Like: Accepting a challenge at work and focusing on the skills you bring to the table, rather than worrying about what you don’t know.

3. It Cultivates Gratitude

Focusing on what is encourages you to see the value in what you already have. Gratitude shifts your perspective from lack to abundance, reducing stress and increasing happiness.

• What It Looks Like: Being thankful for the job you have, even if it’s not your dream job, while working toward something better.

How to Focus on What Is

1. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness trains you to stay present and aware of your current reality. Techniques like meditation, deep breathing, or journaling can help you focus on the here and now.

• Tip: When you catch yourself worrying about what isn’t, bring your attention to your surroundings or a simple task at hand.

2. Identify What You Can Control

Make a list of things you can influence, no matter how small. Focus your energy on those areas rather than worrying about things beyond your control.

• Example: Instead of worrying about how others perceive you, focus on being kind, honest, and authentic.

3. Reframe Your Thoughts

Shift your mindset from “what if” to “what now.” When you notice yourself focusing on what isn’t, redirect your thoughts to what is and what can be done about it.

• Example: Replace “I wish I were healthier” with “What small step can I take today to improve my health?”

4. Set Realistic Goals

Anchor yourself in the present by setting achievable goals based on your current situation. This helps you build momentum and fosters a sense of accomplishment.

• Example: Instead of aiming to fix everything at once, focus on one area where you can make an immediate impact.

5. Let Go of Perfectionism

Accept that life is imperfect and that focusing on progress, not perfection, leads to growth. By embracing what is, you free yourself from the pressure of chasing an ideal that doesn’t exist.

The Benefits of Focusing on What Is

1. Reduced Stress: Letting go of things you can’t control reduces anxiety and helps you focus on actionable steps.
2. Increased Productivity: By concentrating on the present, you channel your energy into tasks that matter.
3. Improved Relationships: Being present allows you to engage more deeply with others.
4. Greater Resilience: Accepting reality equips you to adapt and grow, no matter what challenges arise.

Conclusion: Embrace What Is

Focusing on what is rather than what isn’t allows you to live a more grounded, empowered, and fulfilling life. While it’s natural to reflect on the past or dream about the future, your power lies in the present. By directing your energy toward what you can control, you create opportunities for growth and resilience.

Ask yourself: What is my reality right now? Then take one small step forward. Life isn’t about controlling every variable—it’s about making the most of what is.