“Flying monkeys” is a term people use to describe the helpers a narcissistic person recruits to do their bidding. Not because the narcissist is powerful, but because they are unstable. They cannot maintain control, validation, or a polished image on their own, so they outsource it to other people.

A flying monkey is not always a mastermind. More often, they are a messenger, an enforcer, a rumor-spreader, a guilt-pusher, or a self-appointed “peacemaker” who keeps the narcissist comfortable. They act from fear, convenience, social pressure, or the craving to stay on the “right side” of someone they perceive as important.

What matters is the function: they extend the narcissist’s reach while giving the narcissist plausible deniability.

What is really happening

1. Image management

Narcissists are obsessed with how they are seen. Their self-esteem is fragile, so perception becomes survival. Flying monkeys help protect that image by doing things like:

• Spreading the narcissist’s version of events
• Discrediting you before you can speak
• Smearing your character so your credibility collapses
• Framing the narcissist as the victim or the hero

This is not truth-seeking. It is reputation defense. If the narcissist controls the story, they control the room.

2. Control by proxy

Direct confrontation risks exposure. So instead of dealing with you openly, they often control you indirectly by sending other people to do it for them. Flying monkeys may:

• Pressure you to comply
• Guilt you into silence
• Intimidate you into backing down
• Gather information about you
• Monitor you, report on you, or “check in” with hidden motives
• Enforce the narcissist’s rules while pretending it is “for your own good”

This keeps the narcissist looking calm and reasonable, while you feel surrounded.

3. Validation and supply

A narcissist runs on external reinforcement. They need constant agreement, reassurance, and emotional attention. Flying monkeys provide that “supply” by:

• Automatically taking their side
• Defending them without examining facts
• Repeating their talking points
• Rewarding their behavior with loyalty and praise

It becomes a feedback loop: the narcissist gets endorsed, the flying monkey gets proximity, and reality gets buried.

4. Avoiding accountability

When the attacks come through other people, the narcissist can play innocent:

“I didn’t do anything, they did.”

That is the point. Flying monkeys create distance between the narcissist and the harm being done. It lets the narcissist deny, minimize, and evade consequences while still enjoying the results.

5. Triangulation

Triangulation means creating sides and using other people as instruments of pressure. It produces:

• You versus them
• Chaos, confusion, and self-doubt
• Mixed messages and shifting loyalties
• Constant defense instead of clear thinking

When you are busy defending yourself to multiple people, you have less energy to recognize the pattern, name the manipulation, and step away.

Why people become flying monkeys

Not all flying monkeys are malicious. Some are, but many are simply weak in boundaries and easily led. They may be:

• Manipulated by lies and selective storytelling
• Afraid of the narcissist’s backlash
• Chasing approval and trying to stay in good standing
• Desperate to belong, even if the belonging is conditional
• Drawn to the narcissist’s confidence, status, or social gravity

Some also benefit from the alliance. They get protection, attention, a sense of importance, or permission to target someone without taking responsibility. That payoff can keep them loyal long after the truth is available.

The important truth for you

Flying monkeys rarely have the full picture. Even when they think they do, they usually have a curated version designed to trigger emotion, urgency, and moral certainty.

Engaging with them often:

• Drains your energy
• Fuels the narrative
• Gives the narcissist exactly what they want
• Traps you in endless explanation to people who are not listening

The narcissist’s system depends on your reaction. Every extra argument, every long text, every attempt to “finally make them understand” becomes fuel.

What to do instead

• Name the role, not the person. You do not need to diagnose them. You only need to recognize the function they are serving in the dynamic.
• Refuse the courtroom. You do not have to prove your innocence to a group that has already chosen a side.
• Keep responses short. Calm, minimal, factual. No defending your character. No debating the story.
• Set boundaries with consequences. If they keep relaying messages, pressuring you, or invading your privacy, reduce access.
• Stop feeding the pipeline. Anything you say to a flying monkey can be forwarded, distorted, or used as “evidence.”

The goal is not to win the argument. The goal is to exit the trap.

Flying monkeys are a sign you are not dealing with a normal conflict. You are dealing with a control system. And control systems collapse when they stop getting access, attention, and emotional leverage.