Introduction

“Treat ’em mean to keep ’em keen” is a phrase that has been tossed around in the world of dating and relationships for decades. This idiom suggests that showing indifference or even rudeness towards a romantic interest can somehow increase their attraction to you. It’s a concept that seems to defy common sense and empathy, yet many people believe it holds some truth. In this article, we will explore the psychological underpinnings of this perplexing dating strategy and examine whether there is any merit to it.

The Origins of “Treat ‘Em Mean to Keep ‘Em Keen”

The phrase “treat ’em mean to keep ’em keen” is often attributed to the idea that people are naturally drawn to what they can’t have. By being aloof or showing disinterest, some believe they can create a sense of scarcity around themselves, making them more appealing to their romantic interests. This notion has been perpetuated in various forms across different cultures and has made its way into popular culture and dating advice columns.

Why it Seems to Work (Sometimes)

Oddly enough, there are instances where this strategy appears to yield results. Here are a few reasons why it might seem effective, at least in the short term:

1. Curiosity and Intrigue: When someone is distant or unresponsive, it can pique curiosity and intrigue in the other person. Humans have a natural inclination to solve mysteries, and the uncertainty surrounding the unresponsive partner can be compelling.
2. Self-Esteem Boost: Some individuals may interpret a lack of interest from a potential partner as a reflection of their own desirability. This can lead to a heightened desire to win the person over, boosting their self-esteem.
3. Emotional Rollercoaster: The intermittent reinforcement of attention and affection can create an emotional rollercoaster that keeps the other person engaged. It’s akin to a “hot-and-cold” dynamic that can be addicting.
4. Psychological Scarcity: Scarcity, whether real or perceived, can make something more valuable. By making themselves less available, people believe they are increasing their own value in the eyes of their romantic interest.

The Downside of “Treating ‘Em Mean”

While this dating strategy may appear effective in some cases, it comes with significant downsides:

1. Emotional Turmoil: Playing games and being deliberately aloof can lead to emotional turmoil for both parties involved. The person employing this strategy may experience stress and anxiety from maintaining a facade, while the other person may feel confused and hurt by the mixed signals.
2. Damaging Trust: Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Deliberately treating someone mean can erode trust and create long-lasting emotional scars that affect future relationships.
3. Short-Term Gains, Long-Term Losses: While “treat ’em mean” tactics might capture someone’s interest temporarily, they are unlikely to lead to a healthy and lasting connection. Sustainable relationships are built on genuine communication, trust, and mutual respect.
4. Unpredictable Outcomes: There is no guarantee that treating someone mean will lead to the desired outcome. Relationships based on manipulation are fragile and can easily fall apart when the truth is revealed.

Conclusion

“Treat ’em mean to keep ’em keen” is a dating strategy that has puzzled and frustrated many. While it may seem to work on occasion, it is far from a reliable or healthy approach to building meaningful relationships. Instead of resorting to manipulation or playing games, individuals are better off being authentic, communicative, and respectful in their pursuit of love and connection. Genuine connections are far more likely to thrive and endure than those built on artificial tactics. So, rather than trying to keep someone keen by treating them mean, focus on building a foundation of trust, respect, and open communication to create a lasting and fulfilling relationship.