Never were. Never will be.
These words hold a powerful truth. From the moment we enter this world to our final breath, we are evolving beings, unfinished and unlimited. But many of us get trapped in the quest to “find ourselves.” We pour time, energy, and attention into the search, hoping to uncover a fixed identity beneath the layers of our experiences. Yet, there’s a more empowering truth here: instead of merely discovering who we are, we can create who we want to be.
Your Identity Is Not Fixed—It’s Fluid
One of the biggest misconceptions is that our identity is some sort of buried treasure, waiting to be dug up. But identity isn’t a “found” object. It’s built, crafted, shaped, and molded, with each choice we make and each challenge we embrace. We often hear, “I need to find myself,” but that phrase implies that we’re static beings, with a predetermined “self” waiting to be discovered. In reality, our identity is fluid, responsive to our thoughts, actions, and ambitions.
Every experience, every hardship, every triumph adds depth and dimension to the person we’re becoming. You’re not discovering yourself—you’re constructing, designing, and refining. And that means you have the power to shape your identity, rather than be bound by a limited definition of who you think you are.
Stop Searching, Start Creating
The search for self is often a comforting delay—a way of stalling the work of real change. And change, no doubt, is daunting; it requires a level of discomfort. But this discomfort is essential because true growth happens when we venture out of our comfort zones. Imagine the potential you could unlock if, instead of endlessly searching, you dedicated that time to building yourself.
So, what does building yourself actually look like?
- Define Your Values: Take time to outline what genuinely matters to you. These aren’t arbitrary preferences; they’re the principles that will guide your decisions and keep you grounded.
- Set Goals with Intention: Goals give direction to our growth. Make goals that challenge you, stretch you, and force you to become the version of yourself needed to achieve them. Focus on goals that align with your values and push you toward meaningful progress.
- Embrace a Growth Mindset: Believing in the potential to change is crucial. With a growth mindset, you recognize that setbacks and failures are just learning opportunities, part of the process rather than signs of failure.
- Take Small, Consistent Actions: Identity isn’t crafted overnight. Each small, intentional action is a brick in the building of who you’re becoming. Over time, these small efforts compound, creating lasting change.
- Stay Open to New Experiences: Growth thrives on variety. Seek experiences that broaden your perspective and force you to adapt. Each new environment, culture, and challenge you encounter will add new facets to who you are.
Embrace the Journey of Becoming
It’s natural to want a sense of security in our identity, a feeling of completion. But life doesn’t come with a “completed” sign. There is always room for expansion and evolution, no matter where you are on your journey. Embracing this idea allows you to see yourself as a constant work-in-progress, someone with limitless potential.
By shifting from “finding” to “creating,” you reclaim ownership over who you are and who you are becoming. You’re not passively uncovering a “true self”—you’re actively shaping your best self, every day. So stop searching, and start creating. The person you’re becoming is far more exciting than the one you could ever find.
