Starting is overrated when you are still dragging anchors. Progress needs space, attention, and energy. If those are tied up in the wrong behaviors, the right ones cannot take root. Subtraction usually precedes addition.
Why subtraction comes first
Wrong behaviors do three things at once:
- They consume the time that right behaviors require.
- They distort feedback so you cannot tell what works.
- They reinforce identity stories like “this is just who I am,” which blocks change.
Until you cut the drain, any new habit competes on an unfair field.
The physics of habits
Habits are friction plus momentum. Wrong habits lower friction in the wrong direction and keep momentum pointed there. You do not fix this by pushing harder on a new routine. You fix it by turning friction against the wrong behavior and removing its momentum.
Make a Stop List before a Start List
Write two short lists. Keep them visible.
Stop List
• One behavior that clearly undermines your goal
• One trigger that starts that behavior
• One context that makes it easy to repeat
Start List
• One right behavior that would matter immediately once the drain stops
• One tiny version of that behavior
• One cue that naturally follows the stopped behavior
Example
Stop: midnight scrolling in bed
Trigger: phone within arm’s reach
Context: no charging spot outside bedroom
Start: lights out by 11 with a book on the pillow
Tiny version: read one page
Cue: phone charging in the kitchen
Four ways to stop the wrong thing
- Make it far. Increase distance and delay. Put the phone in another room, cookies on a high shelf, work apps signed out after 7.
- Make it costly. Add a speed bump. Use website blockers with a passcode held by a friend. Prepay a small donation every time you break the rule.
- Make it awkward. Change the environment so the behavior looks out of place. Remove apps from the home screen, keep running shoes by the door, place a water bottle on your desk.
- Make it social. Tell one person your Stop List and report daily. Accountability shortens the relapse loop.
Then make the right thing easy
When the drain is cut, install the replacement immediately so the habit loop has somewhere to go.
• Pair it with a cue that already exists. After coffee, stretch for two minutes. After parking, text your daily check in.
• Reduce the first step until it feels obvious. Two push ups. One paragraph. Five invoices.
• Celebrate completion with a natural reward like a short walk or a clean checkbox. Reinforcement matters.
Common traps that stall change
• Trying to offset wrong with more right. You cannot outrun a leak. Fix the leak.
• Overfitting on willpower. Design beats discipline when you are tired.
• All or nothing thinking. You do not need perfect abstinence, you need dominant direction.
• Vague goals. “Be healthier” loses to “no sugary drinks in the house.”
A simple one week protocol
Day 1
Identify one wrong behavior and its trigger. Remove one enabling object from your environment.
Day 2
Add one speed bump that makes the wrong choice slower than the right one.
Day 3
Install the tiny version of the right behavior and tie it to a strong cue.
Day 4
Tell a person your plan. Report by text every evening with a single word: kept or broke.
Day 5
Track evidence. One line per day noting trigger, feeling, action, and result.
Day 6
Increase the tiny behavior by ten percent. Keep it easy to win.
Day 7
Review which change created the biggest effect. Keep that, drop anything that added noise.
Dealing with relapse
Relapse is a data point, not a verdict. Ask three questions.
What was the exact trigger
What friction was missing
What is the smallest patch I can add today
Then restore the environment and run the next rep.
The deeper shift
Stopping the wrong thing is not deprivation. It is capacity building. Each removed drain returns minutes, attention, and self trust. Those returns compound. Once the wrong loop is cut, the right loop does not need heroics. It needs a clean lane.
Start by stopping. Create space. Then let the right thing grow in the room you just made.
