Parental approval is vital to a child’s sense of self, yet some parents intentionally hold back from giving too much praise. This choice is often misunderstood as cold or unloving, but it can stem from a deeper concern: the belief that excessive approval may lead to complacency rather than motivation. These parents are not denying their child recognition—they are trying to guide effort, grit, and character development.

The Fear of Creating Entitlement

One major concern is that if a child receives too much praise, they may begin to expect approval simply for existing, rather than for trying, improving, or contributing. This can foster a sense of entitlement, where a child believes they are owed validation no matter their level of effort.

Parents may fear this creates a fragile sense of confidence—one built not on internal achievement but on external affirmation.

The Desire to Foster Intrinsic Motivation

When children are praised too often or too easily, they may become dependent on external validation to feel motivated. Parents who withhold constant approval may instead be trying to help their child discover inner drive. They want their child to do things not just for recognition, but because they value effort, learning, or growth.

By not overpraising, the parent is hoping to cultivate resilience and self-direction. They want the child to try hard because the effort itself matters, not just the reward at the end.

Teaching That Growth Takes Work

Parents may also want to make a clear distinction between basic expectations and exceptional achievement. For instance, doing homework, being polite, or completing chores are normal responsibilities. When praise is reserved for moments of true perseverance or kindness, it teaches that real accomplishment is meaningful and not automatic.

This approach communicates that growth requires work. It separates participation from excellence and helps children take pride in effort that truly pushes their limits.

The Risk of Over-Approval

While approval is important, too much of it—especially when vague or excessive—can lead to:

• Inflated self-perception: Children may believe they are excelling when they are simply meeting minimums.
• Reduced perseverance: If everything earns praise, they may give up easily when something does not come effortlessly.
• Lack of openness to feedback: Over-praised children may become defensive or unwilling to hear constructive criticism.

Striking the Right Balance

The goal for most parents is not to withhold love or appreciation, but to give it in ways that build character, not just comfort. Healthy parental approval is specific, earned, and connected to values.

• Instead of “You’re amazing,” they might say, “I noticed how hard you worked on that problem.”
• Instead of “You’re the best,” they might say, “That was kind of you to include your friend—thoughtful actions like that matter.”

This kind of feedback reinforces behavior worth repeating, while also teaching that growth and care are ongoing efforts.

Conclusion

A parent’s hesitation to give too much approval is rarely about withholding love. More often, it is a thoughtful strategy to raise a child who is self-motivated, capable of critical reflection, and resilient in the face of challenge. Children still need encouragement, but when it is given with intention and tied to genuine effort, it lays the groundwork for stronger, more grounded development.