Elevating someone to an almost mythical status in our lives can feel like a grand, romantic gesture. We often do it when we are in love, impressed, or deeply respect someone. However, putting someone on a pedestal—whether it’s a romantic partner, a friend, or a celebrity—can have unintended negative consequences on relationships. Here’s why this can be harmful and how it can strain or even break bonds.
Unrealistic Expectations
When you put someone on a pedestal, you often endow them with qualities they may not possess or overlook their flaws. This creates a set of expectations that are virtually impossible for the pedestalized individual to meet. Over time, as the reality of their human limitations becomes apparent, it can lead to disappointment and disillusionment. In romantic relationships, for example, one partner may feel a constant pressure to meet these unrealistic standards, leading to anxiety and reduced self-esteem.
Imbalance in the Relationship
Elevating someone above ourselves inherently creates an imbalance in the relationship. The person on the pedestal might feel a burdensome expectation to act in certain ways, while the one doing the elevating might feel less worthy or perpetually in the role of the admirer. This imbalance can foster resentment on both sides. For instance, in friendships, the friend who is idolized might feel confined to a persona that doesn’t allow them to be vulnerable or flawed, stifling genuine emotional connection.
Stunted Personal Growth
In an equitable relationship, both parties challenge and support each other to grow. However, when one person is viewed as nearly perfect, there is little room left for personal development or mutual growth. The person who idolizes might stop focusing on their own goals and development, becoming overly dependent on the other’s approval and presence. Conversely, the idolized individual might avoid making necessary changes or acknowledging their mistakes, knowing they are perceived as faultless.
Examples from Real Life
Celebrity Worship
Consider the case of fans who idolize celebrities. These fans might invest so much emotional energy and time into their admiration that they neglect their own lives and relationships. When the celebrity inevitably shows their human side or fails in some way, the fallout for the fan can range from disillusionment to a crisis of identity.
Romantic Relationships
In romantic scenarios, one partner might idolize the other for their charm and charisma while ignoring deeper issues. Over time, when these issues surface, the relationship can suffer or end because the foundation was built on an illusion rather than a realistic understanding of each other.
Parent-Child Dynamics
Children often view their parents as heroes during their early years. While normal to some extent, excessively idolizing a parent can lead parents to feel overwhelming pressure to be perfect, which is an unrealistic and unachievable standard. This can lead to secret-keeping and a lack of open communication, damaging the trust and openness crucial in a parent-child relationship.
Concluding Thoughts
While admiration is a natural part of human relationships, an excess of it can lead to unrealistic expectations, imbalance, and stunted personal and relational growth. Relationships thrive on equality, mutual respect, and realistic expectations. To maintain healthy dynamics, it’s important to see and accept others—and ourselves—as the beautifully imperfect individuals we all are. This approach not only preserves relationships but also enriches them.
