Communication is a two-way street, built on connection, engagement, and the ability to make conversations enjoyable. However, there is a particular type of speaker who, despite often being knowledgeable, tends to lose their audience—the one who always sounds like they are explaining something. While explanations are useful in certain contexts, constantly speaking in an explanatory tone can make conversations feel more like lectures than engaging discussions. From a psychological perspective, this communication style can be draining, alienating, and even frustrating for listeners.

1. Conversations Should Be Mutual, Not One-Sided

Human interaction thrives on reciprocity. People enjoy conversations where they feel heard, understood, and actively involved. When someone adopts an explanatory tone, they often dominate the conversation rather than engaging in a natural exchange.

• Psychological Insight: Studies in social psychology suggest that people feel more connected in conversations that involve mutual self-disclosure and active participation. When one person takes on the role of “the explainer,” they often monopolize the discussion, leaving little room for the other person to contribute meaningfully.
• Why It’s Not Fun: Instead of feeling like a valued participant, the listener feels like an audience member in a classroom, passively receiving information rather than engaging in a shared experience.

2. The Subtle Imbalance of Power in Explanatory Speech

When someone always sounds like they are explaining, it can create an unintended power dynamic where they come across as superior, whether they mean to or not. This can make the other person feel small, uninformed, or even dismissed.

• Psychological Insight: The concept of “conversational dominance” suggests that when one person assumes a superior position—by always explaining rather than discussing—it can trigger resistance or disengagement from the other party. The listener may feel belittled, even if that was not the speaker’s intention.
• Why It’s Not Fun: No one enjoys feeling like they are being talked down to. A conversation should be a space where both parties feel equally valued, not where one person consistently assumes the role of the “teacher.”

3. Explanations Often Ignore Emotional Connection

People enjoy conversations not just because of the information being exchanged but because of the emotions, humor, and shared experiences that make interactions meaningful. A constant explanatory tone tends to strip conversations of warmth and emotional engagement.

• Psychological Insight: Research on social bonding and communication suggests that storytelling, humor, and personal anecdotes help create stronger connections than mere information-sharing. Explanatory speech often lacks these emotional elements, making it feel sterile and impersonal.
• Why It’s Not Fun: A conversation that feels like a lecture is emotionally disengaging. People want to feel connected, not just informed.

4. The Cognitive Load of Over-Explanation

Listening requires mental effort, and when someone talks in an overly explanatory manner, they unintentionally increase the cognitive burden on the listener. Instead of allowing for a natural back-and-forth, the conversation turns into an information dump, which can be overwhelming or mentally exhausting.

• Psychological Insight: Cognitive psychology suggests that people have a limited working memory. When too much information is presented at once, especially in a didactic or unnecessary way, the brain struggles to retain and process it. This makes the conversation feel more like work than enjoyment.
• Why It’s Not Fun: Instead of feeling relaxed and engaged, the listener may feel like they are struggling to keep up, which can make the conversation feel exhausting rather than energizing.

5. Explanatory Speech Can Feel Predictable and Boring

Conversations thrive on spontaneity, unpredictability, and natural flow. When someone speaks in an overly explanatory tone, their speech often follows a structured pattern—introduction, background, reasoning, conclusion—which makes interactions feel repetitive and dull.

• Psychological Insight: Neuroscientific studies on dopamine and curiosity suggest that the human brain enjoys unpredictability and surprise in conversations. When someone always speaks in the same structured way, it reduces the brain’s engagement because the listener already anticipates the pattern.
• Why It’s Not Fun: Conversations should be dynamic, not robotic. A speaker who is too explanatory removes the natural element of curiosity and excitement from the interaction.

6. The Absence of Playfulness and Humor

People naturally enjoy humor, wit, and light-heartedness in conversations. A person who always explains things tends to miss opportunities for playful banter, making them come across as too serious or rigid.

• Psychological Insight: Studies on social bonding through humor suggest that laughter and playful interactions strengthen relationships and make conversations more enjoyable. Someone who is always in “explanation mode” might unintentionally suppress humor, making discussions feel dry or too formal.
• Why It’s Not Fun: If a conversation lacks playfulness and spontaneity, it feels more like an obligation than an enjoyable exchange.

7. Explanatory Speech Can Signal a Lack of Social Awareness

People who frequently adopt an explanatory tone often fail to notice social cues that indicate when the listener is disengaged or uninterested. They may continue explaining even when the other person has lost interest or already understands the point.

• Psychological Insight: Social intelligence studies highlight the importance of reading nonverbal cues—such as body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. Someone who is self-aware and attuned to social dynamics can recognize when their explanation is unnecessary or unwanted.
• Why It’s Not Fun: Conversations should be adaptable. If someone cannot recognize when to shift gears, the interaction becomes frustrating rather than enjoyable.

How to Improve Conversational Engagement

For those who tend to explain too much, there are ways to make conversations more enjoyable and dynamic:

• Ask More Questions: Instead of only sharing information, invite the other person’s thoughts and experiences.
• Use Stories Instead of Explanations: People engage more with narratives than with direct explanations.
• Be Mindful of Nonverbal Cues: Notice if the listener is engaged or seems bored, and adjust accordingly.
• Embrace Humor and Playfulness: Conversations are not always about being informative; sometimes, they are just about having fun.
• Allow for Back-and-Forth Exchange: Instead of delivering long monologues, create space for mutual participation.

Conclusion

While explanations have their place, they should not dominate conversations. People enjoy interactions that are engaging, reciprocal, and emotionally connected. When someone constantly talks as if they are explaining, they unintentionally drain the conversation of its natural energy, making it feel more like a lecture than a dialogue. By shifting from explaining to engaging, conversations become more enjoyable, meaningful, and socially rewarding for everyone involved.