It’s tempting to believe that no one knows us better than we know ourselves. After all, we live inside our own minds. We feel our emotions, hear our thoughts, and carry our memories. But self-perception is not always accurate. In fact, others often have a clearer view of who we are than we do. This is not because they are smarter or closer to our inner world, but because they have distance—and distance brings clarity.

The main reason others can see us more clearly is because they are not tangled in our internal noise. We are full of doubts, rationalizations, hopes, fears, and mental stories we tell ourselves. These stories shape how we interpret our actions. We excuse bad behavior by saying we were tired. We overlook good qualities because we assume they don’t count. We judge ourselves harshly for things no one else even notices.

Others, however, only see what we do. They witness our habits, our tone of voice, our reactions, our consistency. They are not influenced by our intentions. They see our impact. And impact is often a more reliable measure of who we are than intention alone.

For example, you may think of yourself as generous, but others may experience you as unavailable or distracted. You may see yourself as humble, but others may see someone afraid to speak up. You may not recognize your strengths because you’ve always had them. But someone else might immediately notice your leadership, empathy, or creativity—qualities you take for granted because they come naturally to you.

Another reason others may understand us better is because they are comparing us to more people. You see yourself in isolation. Others see you in context. If someone works with dozens of people and tells you that you are unusually reliable or unusually distant, they are drawing from a broader frame of reference than you have for yourself. That perspective can be valuable.

It’s also worth noting that our minds often resist truth that feels uncomfortable. We protect ourselves from criticism by filtering what we hear. We hold onto beliefs about ourselves because they feel safe, even if they are no longer accurate. Others don’t have those emotional filters. They’re not trying to protect your ego. They’re just observing what’s in front of them.

This doesn’t mean that others are always right. Some people project their own issues onto you. Some misunderstand your motives. Some judge unfairly. But when multiple people reflect the same observations back to you—when you hear similar feedback from different sources—it’s often a sign that there’s truth worth exploring.

To gain a better understanding of yourself, invite honest feedback. Ask people you trust how they experience you. Don’t just ask what you’re good at. Ask where you might be blind. Ask what they think you avoid. Ask what they admire and what they think holds you back. Listen without defending. You don’t have to agree with everything, but take it in. Let it sit. See what patterns emerge.

The goal is not to let others define you, but to let them help you see yourself more fully. You are inside the frame. They are outside. They can see things you can’t. And sometimes, the parts you’re missing are the very ones you need to face in order to grow.

Knowing yourself is not a solo task. It’s a lifelong process that requires both reflection and relationship. Others can be mirrors. Not perfect ones, but useful ones. When used with humility and curiosity, those reflections can reveal who you truly are—and who you could become.