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Sometimes Growth Looks Like Sitting With the Things You Don’t Want to Feel - Growth is often seen as a forward movement—a process of striving, achieving, and becoming. But sometimes, real growth doesn’t look active at all. Instead, it involves sitting still, turning inward, and facing the uncomfortable emotions we’d rather avoid. Sitting with the things you don’t want to feel—fear, shame, sadness, regret—is one of the hardest forms of growth. It requires courage, patience, and self-compassion. Yet, it’s also one of the most transformative. By allowing yourself to feel what you’ve been running from, you strip those emotions of their power over you, paving the way for healing and clarity. Why We Avoid Difficult Emotions Difficult emotions are, by nature, uncomfortable. Our instinct is to push them aside, distract ourselves, or numb the pain. This avoidance is a defense mechanism—it shields us from what feels overwhelming or painful in the moment. Common reasons we avoid uncomfortable emotions include: Fear of Vulnerability: Feeling emotions like sadness or shame can make us feel exposed and weak. Societal Pressure: We’re often taught to “stay strong” and push through rather than pause and process. Fear of Losing Control: Deep emotions can feel all-encompassing, as if letting them in might consume us. Past Trauma: Difficult emotions can resurface unresolved pain, which feels too heavy to confront. While avoidance offers temporary relief, it keeps the emotions alive, lingering beneath the surface and manifesting in other ways, such as anxiety, irritability, or physical tension. The Power of Sitting With Your Emotions Sitting with uncomfortable feelings is not about wallowing or giving in to despair. It’s about acknowledging their presence, allowing them to exist, and understanding their role in your life. This practice can transform your relationship with your emotions. 1. Emotions Lose Their Power When you stop running from difficult emotions, they lose their grip over you. Fear, shame, or sadness often thrive in the shadows, gaining strength from avoidance. By bringing them into the light, you strip away their mystery and control. Example: Sitting with the grief of a lost relationship can help you understand its depth, accept the loss, and begin to heal. 2. Self-Awareness Deepens Uncomfortable emotions often carry important messages about unmet needs, unresolved issues, or areas of growth. Sitting with them allows you to learn from them rather than suppress them. Example: Anger might reveal underlying feelings of hurt or a boundary that’s been crossed. 3. Resilience Grows Facing difficult emotions strengthens your emotional resilience. Each time you sit with discomfort, you prove to yourself that you’re capable of enduring and processing it. Over time, this builds confidence in your ability to handle life’s challenges. 4. Healing Becomes Possible You can’t heal what you don’t acknowledge. Sitting with your feelings allows you to process and release them, breaking cycles of avoidance and paving the way for emotional freedom. How to Sit With Uncomfortable Emotions Create a Safe SpaceFind a quiet place where you feel comfortable and free from distractions. This could be a physical space, like a cozy room, or a mental space created through mindfulness or meditation. Acknowledge the EmotionName the emotion you’re feeling. Labeling it—fear, sadness, shame, anger—helps you create distance between yourself and the feeling. Allow It to ExistResist the urge to push the emotion away. Instead, invite it in. Remind yourself that emotions are temporary and that feeling them won’t harm you. Observe Without JudgmentNotice how the emotion feels in your body. Is there tightness in your chest? A lump in your throat? Instead of judging these sensations, simply observe them. Practice Self-CompassionSpeak to yourself kindly, as you would a friend. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel this way and that you’re giving yourself the gift of healing. Reflect on the EmotionAsk yourself: What is this emotion trying to tell me? Is there something I need to address, change, or accept? Let It Pass NaturallyEmotions are like waves—they rise, peak, and eventually recede. Trust that this process will unfold, and allow the emotion to pass in its own time. What Growth Looks Like Through This Process Growth through sitting with uncomfortable emotions is often subtle and internal. You may not feel an immediate sense of accomplishment, but over time, you’ll notice significant shifts: Clarity: You’ll gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your needs. Freedom: The emotions you’ve been avoiding will no longer control you. Peace: Accepting your emotions brings a sense of inner calm and wholeness. Strength: You’ll feel more resilient and capable of facing life’s challenges. Conclusion: Growth in Stillness Sometimes, growth doesn’t look like action. It doesn’t look like ticking off goals or pushing through obstacles. Instead, it looks like sitting still—facing the things you’d rather not feel and giving them the space to exist. By doing so, you free yourself from the grip of avoidance, deepen your self-awareness, and pave the way for genuine healing. It’s a quiet, courageous kind of growth, but it’s one that transforms you from the inside out. The next time you’re tempted to run from discomfort, pause. Sit with it. Feel it. And know that in this stillness, you’re planting the seeds of profound change.
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June 1, 2025

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Poking the Bear in Everyday Life and Relationships

Introduction We’ve all heard the saying, “Don’t poke the bear.” It’s a metaphorical warning that advises against provoking a potentially…

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Introduction

Anxiety is a complex and often debilitating mental health condition that affects millions of people worldwide. While it can manifest in various forms, there is a profound connection between anxiety and past experiences of being left wondering, particularly when those experiences are rooted in trauma. This connection sheds light on how unresolved emotions from our past can shape our present and offers insights into effective ways to manage and heal anxiety.

Understanding the Trauma of Being Left Wondering

To grasp the connection between anxiety and past experiences of being left wondering, it’s essential to delve into the concept of trauma. Trauma doesn’t always involve a single, catastrophic event; it can also result from prolonged emotional distress or unresolved issues. Being left wondering, uncertain, or abandoned during significant life events or relationships can leave a lasting imprint on a person’s psyche.

These experiences often create a sense of instability and unpredictability in a person’s life, contributing to the development of anxiety. For example, a child who repeatedly experiences unreliable caregiving may develop generalized anxiety, anticipating unpredictability and instability in their adult life.

The Role of Unresolved Emotional Baggage

Unresolved emotional baggage from past experiences of being left wondering can manifest in several ways that are closely tied to anxiety:

  1. Hypervigilance: Individuals who have been left wondering in the past may become hypervigilant, constantly scanning their environment for signs of potential abandonment or uncertainty. This hyperawareness can be emotionally exhausting and contribute to anxiety disorders.
  2. Fear of Rejection: The fear of being rejected or left wondering again can be a driving force behind social anxiety. People may avoid new relationships or situations to protect themselves from the perceived threat of abandonment.
  3. Catastrophic Thinking: Traumatic experiences of being left wondering can lead to catastrophic thinking patterns. People may automatically assume the worst possible outcome in various situations, further fueling their anxiety.
  4. Avoidance Behaviors: To cope with the emotional distress associated with past abandonment or uncertainty, individuals may develop avoidance behaviors. These behaviors can limit their life experiences and reinforce anxiety.
  5. Triggers and Flashbacks: Specific triggers or reminders of past experiences can lead to anxiety attacks or flashbacks, making it challenging for individuals to move forward without distress.

Breaking the Cycle: Healing from Trauma-Induced Anxiety

Healing from trauma-induced anxiety requires a combination of self-awareness, professional support, and coping strategies:

  1. Self-Reflection: The first step in healing is recognizing the connection between past experiences and present anxiety. Self-reflection can help individuals identify their triggers and patterns of thinking and behavior.
  2. Seek Professional Help: Therapy, especially approaches like Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), can be highly effective in treating trauma-induced anxiety. A trained therapist can help individuals process their traumatic experiences and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
  3. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Mindfulness practices, meditation, and relaxation techniques can help individuals manage anxiety symptoms and stay grounded in the present moment.
  4. Support Networks: Building a strong support network of friends and family can provide a sense of security and reassurance, helping individuals combat feelings of isolation.
  5. Self-Care: Prioritizing self-care activities, such as exercise, a healthy diet, and adequate sleep, can significantly reduce anxiety symptoms.

Conclusion

The connection between anxiety and past experiences of being left wondering highlights the profound impact that unresolved trauma can have on our mental well-being. By recognizing this connection and taking proactive steps to heal, individuals can break free from the cycle of anxiety and regain a sense of control and stability in their lives. With the right support and strategies, it is possible to move forward and find peace, even after enduring the most challenging of past experiences.


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