It’s a common experience: when things don’t go as planned, we might find ourselves saying, “There’s nothing I could have done.” This belief, that circumstances are beyond our control, can be comforting in the short term, alleviating feelings of guilt or responsibility. But why do so many of us cling to this mindset, and what are the psychological mechanisms behind it? More importantly, how does believing that we lack control actually make it true, limiting our potential and influencing our outcomes? Let’s explore the psychology of why people often prefer to believe things are beyond their control—and the consequences of this mindset.

The Comfort of Externalizing Control

Psychologically, attributing outcomes to external factors—like luck, fate, or other people—relieves us of personal accountability. This concept, known as an “external locus of control,” helps protect our self-esteem and reduce feelings of guilt or inadequacy. For instance, if a project doesn’t succeed, we might attribute it to a “lack of resources” or “bad timing” rather than our own effort or planning. When we shift blame outside ourselves, we temporarily protect our sense of self from the disappointment or shame of failure.

This form of thinking can serve as a defense mechanism, shielding us from uncomfortable emotions. By distancing ourselves from personal responsibility, we also avoid the uncomfortable realization that we might have the power to make changes but haven’t done so. For many, this provides short-term relief from anxiety and stress—at the expense of long-term growth and empowerment.

Learned Helplessness: A Self-Fulfilling Cycle

Psychologist Martin Seligman’s research on “learned helplessness” sheds light on how people come to feel that they have little control over their environment. Seligman discovered that when animals were subjected to uncontrollable situations, they eventually stopped trying to change their circumstances, even when escape became possible. Humans can fall into a similar mindset: if we experience repeated setbacks, failures, or rejection, we may begin to believe that our efforts won’t make a difference.

This sense of helplessness often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we perceive a lack of control, we’re less likely to take action, which reinforces the belief that our efforts don’t matter. Over time, this cycle can create a sense of powerlessness that’s hard to break. People stuck in this pattern may avoid risks, resist change, or settle for less than their potential, all because they’ve come to believe their actions won’t make a difference.

The Role of Cognitive Biases in Reinforcing a Lack of Control

Our minds are also subject to several cognitive biases that encourage the belief that we’re not in control:

1. Confirmation Bias
   When we believe we lack control, we tend to notice and remember situations that confirm this belief. We may focus on times we failed despite our efforts, overlooking instances where we succeeded. This selective perception strengthens our conviction that things are out of our hands, even if evidence to the contrary exists.
2. Attribution Bias
   Humans have a tendency to attribute their successes to internal factors (e.g., “I succeeded because I’m talented”) but blame failures on external factors (e.g., “I failed because of bad luck”). This bias protects our self-image but also reinforces the idea that success is within our control, while failures are not. Over time, this can contribute to a worldview in which setbacks and obstacles feel insurmountable.
3. Negativity Bias
   Our brains are wired to focus more on negative experiences, which can lead us to overemphasize failures and underestimate our own agency. When we dwell on past disappointments, we might unconsciously reinforce the belief that our actions don’t matter, fueling a perception of helplessness.

The Consequences: How Believing We Lack Control Becomes Reality

When we consistently believe that things are out of our control, we’re likely to engage in behaviors that reinforce this belief. Psychologically, this creates what’s called a “self-fulfilling prophecy”—a belief that brings about its own reality. Here’s how it happens:

1. Reduced Motivation and Effort
   When we feel powerless, we’re less likely to take initiative or invest effort in achieving our goals. For example, if someone believes they’ll never succeed in a particular field, they’re unlikely to pursue training or take steps to improve. This lack of effort leads to poor results, which then reinforces the initial belief that success is out of reach.
2. Avoidance of Opportunities
   Those who believe they lack control often avoid situations where they might prove themselves wrong. They might pass up promotions, avoid new relationships, or resist taking on challenges. By staying in their comfort zone, they protect themselves from potential failure—but also miss out on the chance to grow and realize their potential.
3. Dependence on External Factors
   Believing that circumstances dictate our lives often leads to over-reliance on external factors for happiness or success. When we put our faith in luck or other people to shape our lives, we give away our personal power. This dependence can create a sense of vulnerability and anxiety, as we’re at the mercy of forces we can’t control.
4. Negative Impact on Mental Health
   Feeling that life is out of control can increase feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression. When people believe they’re powerless, they often experience lower self-esteem, increased hopelessness, and a reduced sense of purpose. This can trap them in a negative mental loop that’s hard to escape.

Reclaiming Control: Shifting to an Internal Locus of Control

Fortunately, we can shift our mindset to an “internal locus of control,” where we believe that our actions and decisions influence our outcomes. Studies show that people with an internal locus of control tend to be more resilient, proactive, and satisfied with life. Here are ways to reclaim control and counter the psychological barriers that hold us back:

1. Challenge Limiting Beliefs
   Begin by identifying beliefs that may be reinforcing a lack of control. For instance, if you often think, “I can’t do anything about this,” try reframing it as, “What can I do in this situation?” This subtle shift helps you focus on what’s within your power rather than what’s beyond it.
2. Set Small, Achievable Goals
   Regaining a sense of control often starts with taking small steps. Set realistic, manageable goals that allow you to experience success, even if it’s incremental. This builds confidence and demonstrates that your actions can lead to positive outcomes.
3. Practice Self-Reflection
   Regularly assess your thoughts and behaviors. When you feel helpless, ask yourself whether there’s truly nothing you can do or if it’s a habitual way of thinking. Over time, this awareness can help you break the cycle of learned helplessness and develop a more proactive mindset.
4. Embrace Growth Through Mistakes
   View setbacks not as evidence of a lack of control but as opportunities for learning and improvement. Adopting a growth mindset allows you to see challenges as part of the journey rather than insurmountable barriers.
5. Celebrate Small Wins
   Recognize and celebrate moments where you did exert control and achieved a positive outcome. Whether it’s completing a task, improving a skill, or reaching a milestone, acknowledging these victories reinforces the belief that your actions matter.

Conclusion: Taking Control of the Narrative

While it may be comforting to believe that things are out of our control, this mindset can ultimately hold us back, limiting our growth, motivation, and potential. By understanding the psychological roots of this belief, we can work to shift our perspective and reclaim our sense of agency. Taking control of our narrative requires effort, but the rewards—a greater sense of purpose, empowerment, and resilience—are well worth it.

Believing that things are within our control doesn’t mean ignoring external factors or pretending that life is always fair. Rather, it’s about focusing on what we can influence and embracing the power we do have. In doing so, we create a reality where our actions truly make a difference, transforming our beliefs into a source of strength and possibility.