In an era where guidance and advice are readily available from experts in every field, it’s tempting to lean heavily on others to tell us what to do. From therapists and brokers to coaches and self-help gurus, many individuals pay others to provide the answers and direction in their lives. Yet, there’s a deeply important truth that is often overlooked: any time you pay somebody to tell you what to do, you’re not really gaining power—you’re giving it away. This concept challenges the conventional wisdom of seeking external advice and points to the critical importance of personal experience and self-reliance in achieving true success and growth.

The Cycle of Dependence

From an early age, we are conditioned to look to others for direction. In families, we’re taught what’s right and wrong, how to behave, and what is expected of us. Schools reinforce this, with teachers and administrators dictating the flow of our education and determining what we should know. Eventually, as we enter the workforce, the expectations continue: managers tell us what to do, and the business world relies on a system of expert advice and professional services.

In many ways, this system of relying on others to tell us what to do shapes our behavior and limits our ability to trust our own judgment. We get accustomed to waiting for instructions, rather than cultivating the ability to think independently and make decisions on our own. This habitual dependence on external sources of authority can become a barrier to personal empowerment and growth, especially when we face challenges or setbacks.

The Fear of Failure

The fear of failure is one of the greatest inhibitors of personal growth. It’s easy to see why people are afraid to take risks—failure is often perceived as something to be avoided at all costs. Yet, failure itself holds immense value. It is in failure that we learn our most important lessons: resilience, problem-solving, creativity, and self-trust. However, the pervasive fear of failure often paralyzes individuals, leading them to shy away from making decisions on their own.

This fear is largely conditioned by external influences. When we are taught from a young age to fear failure, whether by our parents, teachers, or society, we internalize that failure is not only negative but something to be ashamed of. In the business world, the idea of “failure” is often synonymous with weakness or incompetence. As a result, people become less willing to take chances, believing that the safest path is to follow instructions and avoid making mistakes.

The Importance of Regrouping After Failure

In contrast to the fear of failure, one of the most empowering skills you can develop is the ability to regroup after a setback. Failure, when viewed through the right lens, is not an end but a necessary step in the process of growth and achievement. Every great entrepreneur, artist, or leader has faced failure in some form. What sets them apart is their ability to adapt, learn, and move forward.

When you rely on external authorities to tell you what to do, you miss out on the crucial learning process that comes from personal experience. There is no substitute for the lessons that come from trying something, failing, and then finding a new way to move forward. It’s through this cycle of trial and error that we develop the resilience and wisdom necessary to succeed.

For example, when an entrepreneur faces a failed business venture, the most valuable lesson may not be found in a workshop or from a financial advisor—it’s found in the regrouping. It’s in the moment when they look at what went wrong, identify what can be improved, and try again with new insight. This process builds the inner confidence and problem-solving skills that are essential for long-term success.

Breaking Free From External Instruction

The key to personal and professional empowerment lies in developing an independent mindset. While advice from others can be useful at times, it should never replace your ability to make decisions for yourself. Instead of seeking constant validation or direction from external sources, it’s important to cultivate self-reliance. This involves learning to trust your own intuition, accepting failure as a part of the process, and understanding that you can always regroup, adjust, and move forward.

In a world where external experts and “gurus” are easy to find, it can feel like you’re missing out if you’re not paying for advice. But the reality is that the most profound growth comes from within. It comes from taking risks, learning from mistakes, and having the courage to step outside of the conventional path that others have set for you. You don’t need to be told what to do. You have everything you need within you to succeed on your own terms.

Redefining Success and Failure

The traditional view of success often ties it to external validation and achievements that conform to societal standards. This view suggests that if we’re not constantly following the guidance of others, we’re somehow failing. But in truth, success should be defined not by how closely we follow external directions, but by how well we can navigate the uncertainties of life on our own.

The path to true success involves developing the mindset that you are capable of handling whatever comes your way. The key is learning to trust your instincts, be resourceful in the face of challenges, and embrace failure as a stepping stone rather than a roadblock. Once you stop fearing failure, you open yourself up to endless possibilities and opportunities that would have been impossible if you continued to rely on others to tell you what to do.

Conclusion: Embrace the Power of Self-Reliance

In the end, the most significant lesson you can learn is that your growth doesn’t depend on external validation, advice, or instruction. It depends on your ability to act independently, make decisions, and learn from your own experiences. The fear of failure is natural, but it should never stop you from taking the next step. Success doesn’t come from being told what to do—it comes from making your own decisions, learning from the results, and having the courage to move forward, even when things don’t go as planned.

By stepping out of the cycle of constant dependence on external advice and embracing the power of self-reliance, you can break free from the constraints that limit your growth. Don’t be afraid to fail—because it’s in those failures that you will find the wisdom, resilience, and strength to succeed.