Realizing you might be autistic is often a deeply personal and transformative journey. For many, it begins with subtle observations about themselves—quirks, challenges, or traits that don’t align with neurotypical norms—and evolves into a full understanding of their neurodivergence. This process isn’t linear; it involves reflection, self-doubt, and eventual self-acceptance.

Here’s a breakdown of the common stages of autism realization, highlighting the emotional and mental shifts many experience along the way.

1. Hmm, I Have Social Anxiety

At this stage, you might notice difficulty in social situations—feeling drained by interactions, overanalyzing conversations, or struggling to navigate unspoken social rules. This often leads to identifying as socially anxious, assuming it’s purely situational or personality-driven.

• Key Thoughts:
  “Why do I feel so awkward in group settings?”
  “Socializing takes so much out of me.”
• Emotions: Frustration, confusion, or relief at having a potential explanation.

2. Hmm, I Have Sensory Issues

You start noticing a heightened sensitivity to sensory stimuli. Bright lights, loud noises, certain textures, or strong smells may overwhelm you more than others around you.

• Key Thoughts:
  “Why do I hate these fluorescent lights?”
  “Why does everyone else seem fine with this loud music?”
• Emotions: Curiosity about why you’re more sensitive than others, or validation in understanding your sensory discomfort.

3. Hmm, I Have ADHD

Difficulty focusing, restlessness, or a tendency to hyperfocus on interests may lead you to wonder if you have ADHD. You may explore this possibility, noting overlaps with your experiences.

• Key Thoughts:
  “I can’t keep my attention on anything unless I’m really interested.”
  “Why am I so forgetful yet obsessed with my hobbies?”
• Emotions: Hope for a diagnosis that explains these traits, mixed with doubt about whether ADHD fully captures your experience.

4. I Kinda Relate to Autistic People

You start reading or hearing about autism and notice similarities between your experiences and those of autistic individuals. This can be a lightbulb moment, sparking deeper curiosity.

• Key Thoughts:
  “Wait, this sounds like me.”
  “I didn’t know anyone else felt like this!”
• Emotions: Connection, curiosity, and a sense of belonging.

5. Hmm, Maybe I’m Kinda Spectrumy

The possibility of being autistic feels more plausible. You might think of yourself as being “spectrumy” or “autistic-adjacent,” acknowledging the overlap but hesitant to fully embrace the label.

• Key Thoughts:
  “I fit some traits, but do I fit enough to say I’m autistic?”
  “Am I just overthinking this?”
• Emotions: Hesitation and cautious exploration.

6. Omg, I Think I Have Autism for Real

The realization solidifies. Through research, self-reflection, or conversations with others, you begin to believe that you’re genuinely autistic. It’s an exciting yet overwhelming stage.

• Key Thoughts:
  “This explains so much about my life!”
  “I finally understand myself better.”
• Emotions: Excitement, clarity, and validation, often accompanied by a desire to share this discovery.

7. Feel Like I’m Faking It

Imposter syndrome creeps in. Despite resonating with autism traits, you might doubt your realization, fearing that you’re exaggerating or imagining things.

• Key Thoughts:
  “What if I’m just looking for an excuse?”
  “Do I really belong in the autism community?”
• Emotions: Doubt, insecurity, and fear of invalidation.

8. Just Trying to Convince Myself It’s Autism?

You may question whether you’re forcing yourself to fit into the autism framework. This stage can be filled with self-analysis, second-guessing, and external validation seeking.

• Key Thoughts:
  “Am I just making this up?”
  “What if I’m wrong about this?”
• Emotions: Confusion and a need for reassurance.

9. Don’t Want to Appropriate the Term

The fear of taking up space in the autism community might emerge, especially if you’re self-diagnosed or unsure about pursuing a formal diagnosis.

• Key Thoughts:
  “Am I disrespecting others by calling myself autistic?”
  “What if I’m not ‘autistic enough’?”
• Emotions: Guilt, caution, and a desire to honor the experiences of others.

10. Omg, I’m Autistic AF

Acceptance arrives. You fully embrace your identity as an autistic person, recognizing that your experiences are valid regardless of external validation. This stage is liberating and empowering.

• Key Thoughts:
  “This is who I am, and that’s okay.”
  “I don’t need to prove my autism to anyone.”
• Emotions: Relief, pride, and self-compassion.

Navigating the Journey

Each stage of autism realization is valid and part of the process. Here are tips for navigating this journey:

1. Educate Yourself
   Learn about autism from reputable sources, especially from autistic voices. This helps clarify misconceptions and strengthens self-understanding.
2. Connect with Others
   Engage with autism communities online or in person. Hearing similar stories can validate your experiences and provide support.
3. Seek Professional Input (If Desired)
   A formal diagnosis can provide clarity for some, though self-diagnosis is valid, especially in the face of systemic barriers.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
   Allow yourself to feel doubt, excitement, or even fear—it’s all part of the process. Be patient as you explore your identity.

Conclusion

The journey to understanding yourself as autistic is deeply personal, and it doesn’t follow a straight path. From questioning your traits to fully embracing your identity, each stage is a step toward self-awareness and acceptance. Remember, you are not alone in this experience, and your realization is valid. Embrace the journey—you’re autistic af, and that’s something to be proud of.