Getting done dirty means you were treated unfairly through deceit, betrayal, manipulation, or exploitation. The goal is not to stew in anger. The goal is to see the pattern quickly, stop the loss, and restore your leverage.

Clear signs you were done dirty

1. Shifting stories
   Details change each time you ask for clarity. New facts appear only when you challenge them.
2. Withheld information at the decision point
   Key costs, terms, or risks were hidden until you were already committed.
3. Boundary violations
   You set a limit. They stepped over it, minimized it, or mocked it.
4. Blame reversal
   You raise a specific concern. They attack your tone, memory, or character to dodge the issue.
5. Triangulation
   They tell different versions to different people to keep you isolated or confused.
6. Pressure without time to verify
   Artificial urgency, exploding offers, or last minute changes that prevent due diligence.
7. Unequal risk or reward
   You carry the cost and exposure while they keep the upside.
8. Paper trail mismatch
   What is in writing does not match what was promised verbally. They resist correcting it.
9. Consequences only for you
   Missed expectations are punished when you slip, excused when they do.
10. Pattern across targets
    You are not the first person with this complaint. The stories look similar.

Quick reality checks

• Write the timeline: who said what, when, and in what channel.
• Compare claims to artifacts: contracts, emails, screenshots, invoices, chat logs.
• Ask one neutral third party to review the facts, not your feelings.
• Follow incentives: who profits from your confusion or delay.
• Check standards: policy, contract clause, law, or industry norm that applies.

A simple response plan

1) Stabilize

Pause new commitments. Freeze payments you can freeze. Stop giving more time, money, or access until the current issue is resolved.

2) Document

Save everything. Names, dates, sums, links, screenshots, versions. Keep a single file that lists promises versus outcomes.

3) Define the fair outcome

Write one paragraph that states what was agreed, what happened, and what a fair remedy looks like. Keep it specific and measurable.

4) Ask once, clearly, in writing

Use short, factual language. Example:

“On Sept 12 we agreed to X for 1,200. I received Y instead. The agreement attached states Delivery by Sept 20. Please provide X by Oct 30 or refund 1,200 within three business days. I will confirm receipt here.”

5) Set a boundary with a consequence

If they dodge or spin, state the next step. Example:

“I want to resolve this directly. If I do not receive the refund by Friday, I will open a dispute with the platform and pursue chargeback. I prefer a clean resolution with you.”

6) Choose your path

• Repair: they acknowledge the issue and provide a concrete fix with dates.
• Renegotiate: scope, price, or deadline changes to match reality.
• Exit: you cut losses, recover what you can, and move on.

7) Escalate when needed

Match the step to the situation: platform dispute, chargeback, HR complaint, regulatory complaint, small claims, demand letter. Keep it procedural and unemotional.

8) Replace what was lost

Line up an alternative vendor, route, or plan so you are not stuck. Power returns when you have options.

9) Close the loop

Record the lesson. Update your checklist, templates, and contracts so the same door is not open next time.

Decision checkpoints

• Is the harm accidental or strategic
• Is there good faith plus a concrete remedy
• What is the cost of staying versus exiting
• Will this person or company have power over you again

If the answers point to ongoing risk, exit cleanly and quickly.

If you might share some fault

Own your part without giving up your leverage. Example:

“I should have confirmed the revised scope in writing. Even so, the contract requires Delivery by Sept 20. Let’s correct both sides. I will issue a revised scope. You will deliver X or refund 1,200.”

Accountability increases credibility. It does not erase their obligation.

Prevention toolkit

• Put the whole deal in writing: who does what, by when, and how success is measured.
• Confirm major terms in two channels: signed document plus an email recap.
• Stage payments: deposit, milestone, final on acceptance.
• Add a clean exit clause: how either side can walk away if standards are not met.
• Do reference checks and ask for samples that match your use case.
• Separate decision and payment by at least one sleep cycle for large commitments.
• Never rely on one point of failure: have a backup supplier or plan.

Scripts you can paste

• Clarifying request
  “Can you confirm in writing the exact deliverables, dates, and total cost. I will proceed once that email is sent.”
• Boundary
  “I do not agree to unapproved changes. Let’s pause until we align on scope and price.”
• Escalation notice
  “I want to resolve this here. If we do not have a remedy by Wednesday 5 pm, I will proceed with a formal dispute.”
• Exit
  “Given the missed deliverables and lack of remedy, I am ending the engagement effective today. Please confirm the refund by Friday.”

Mental cleanup

Being done dirty is information. It tells you where to tighten process, where to add proof, and who not to trust. Do not let a bad actor turn you into a bitter actor. Keep your standards high, your records tight, and your exits fast.

Bottom line

Spot the pattern, secure your position, state the remedy, and act on a timeline. When fairness fails, move on with your documentation in order and your options open.