Criticism is natural. It can be constructive, helpful, and necessary. But when someone consistently tears others down—mocking, belittling, or undermining their efforts—it often says more about the person doing the tearing than the one being torn down. In many cases, it’s a reflection of inner lack rather than outer insight.
When you are secure, grounded, and growing, you don’t need to diminish others to feel strong. You recognize that someone else’s success or strength doesn’t threaten your own. In fact, people who are “built up” tend to uplift those around them. They offer support, they celebrate others’ wins, and they correct with care, not contempt.
But tearing people down is different. It usually comes from insecurity, unresolved pain, or the absence of personal growth. If you haven’t built confidence in your own identity or made peace with your own shortcomings, it becomes tempting to focus on others’ flaws. This serves as a distraction, a temporary relief from your own discomfort.
There are good and bad examples of this dynamic.
Good example: A mentor sees a student making a mistake. Instead of shaming them, they offer clear feedback and guidance. They don’t need to feel superior, because their value is rooted in helping others improve.
Bad example: A co-worker constantly mocks another’s ideas in meetings. They may claim it’s “just being honest,” but really, it masks their own fear of not being recognized. They aren’t building anything themselves, so they try to erode what others are creating.
Good example: A friend notices another friend getting attention for their success. Instead of feeling jealous, they offer congratulations and ask questions to learn from them. They’re secure enough in their own path to appreciate someone else’s progress.
Bad example: Someone online tears apart a stranger’s post not because it was harmful, but because it was popular. They may disguise it as critique, but the tone reveals resentment, not reason. The need to cut someone down often comes from feeling left behind or overlooked.
People who build themselves—through self-reflection, discipline, learning, and compassion—rarely spend time destroying others. They don’t need to. Their sense of worth is rooted in effort, not comparison.
So if you find yourself frequently putting others down, pause and look inward. What are you avoiding in yourself? What haven’t you yet built? Criticism, when honest and skillful, can be a form of care. But chronic tearing down is a signal of a structure not yet solid.
Focus on becoming stronger, wiser, and more complete. The more built up you are, the less interested you’ll be in tearing others down. You’ll be too busy building something that matters.
