Feeling “hard done by” is the sense that life has treated you unfairly, that circumstances or other people have dealt you a worse hand than you deserve. While moments of injustice are real, dwelling on this mindset can trap you in a cycle of resentment, passivity, and self-pity. Learning how to shift out of this perspective can free you to act with resilience and purpose.
Recognize the Difference Between Reality and Interpretation
Life events are neutral until we attach meaning to them. Losing a job, facing rejection, or experiencing setbacks are facts, but how we interpret them shapes our emotional response. People who feel consistently “hard done by” often view events through a filter of unfairness, which intensifies negative feelings. Challenging that interpretation allows room for more constructive thinking.
Stop Comparing Your Struggles to Others’ Successes
Comparison can make hardships feel heavier. Seeing only the visible highlights of others’ lives can make it seem as if you are uniquely unlucky. In reality, every life has its share of difficulties. By focusing less on comparisons and more on your own next step, you reduce the power of perceived injustice.
Accept That Hardship Is Part of the Human Experience
Every person will encounter loss, failure, and disappointment. Resisting this truth magnifies pain. Accepting that difficulty is not a personal punishment but a universal condition helps remove the sting of unfairness. This does not mean ignoring injustice, but rather recognizing that challenges are part of growth.
Focus on What You Can Control
When feeling wronged, it is tempting to dwell on what you cannot change. The alternative is to identify actions within your control — learning new skills, adapting plans, or setting boundaries. This shift from dwelling to doing builds a sense of capability and lessens feelings of helplessness.
Practice Gratitude and Perspective
Gratitude is not about pretending everything is perfect; it is about noticing what still works in your favor. Even small acknowledgments — a healthy relationship, a skill you possess, an opportunity on the horizon — can disrupt the mental loop of being “hard done by” and open space for optimism.
Why This Matters
Living with a constant sense of unfairness can erode relationships, sap motivation, and prevent personal progress. By refusing to see yourself as perpetually wronged, you cultivate adaptability, courage, and self-respect. The less time you spend replaying grievances, the more energy you have to create meaningful change.
