Two small phrases bend the shape of a day. “Have to” narrows your options and turns time into obligation. “Get to” widens the frame and turns the same time into opportunity. The task can be identical. The experience is not.

Why the wording matters

Language is not a mirror of reality. It is a lever.
“Have to” puts you under the task. You are acted upon, which invites resistance, procrastination, and a focus on what is lost.
“Get to” puts the task under you. You are the actor, which invites initiative, gratitude, and a focus on what is gained.

This is not about pretending everything is pleasant. It is about choosing a stance that increases energy, skill, and odds of follow through.

The reframe in practice

• Commute
  Have to: sit in traffic and waste time.
  Get to: listen to an audiobook, practice calm breathing, or plan the first move at work.
• Exercise
  Have to: grind through reps.
  Get to: maintain a body that carries you through the next decade with less pain.
• Paperwork and chores
  Have to: deal with boring details.
  Get to: protect your future self from last minute stress and fees.
• Difficult conversations
  Have to: confront conflict.
  Get to: clarify expectations and build a cleaner relationship.
• Learning something new
  Have to: start as a beginner again.
  Get to: earn competence that will compound over time.

What this shift does to your brain

• Attention: “Have to” highlights costs and barriers. “Get to” highlights benefits and choices, which makes starting easier.
• Emotion: “Have to” evokes resentment or guilt. “Get to” evokes autonomy and gratitude, which are better fuels for sustained effort.
• Identity: “Have to” says you are a victim of tasks. “Get to” says you are a person who chooses and builds.

Honest limits and caveats

• Some tasks are truly non-optional or unjust. Reframing cannot replace changing a bad situation. It can, however, preserve your agency while you plan the change.
• “Get to” is not cheerleading. If you feel fake, anchor the reframe to something concrete you value: health, mastery, income, trust, freedom.
• Use it as a cue for design. If a task stubbornly stays “have to,” change the environment, make it smaller, or automate it.

Five micro practices that make it stick

1. One line swap: write the task, then rewrite it with “I get to…” and add a reason you care.
2. Entry ritual: pair the start of an annoying task with a small pleasure you only allow at that time.
3. First inch rule: commit to the smallest visible unit of progress. Getting started is the bottleneck.
4. Future self check: ask, “How will this help me in 30 days?” Name one benefit.
5. Track wins: keep a simple list of tasks you reframed and finished. Evidence beats pep talks.

A 7 day experiment

Day 1: Choose one recurring task and rewrite it as “get to,” plus a why. Do only the first inch.
Day 2: Add a second task. Keep both tiny.
Day 3: Attach a pleasant cue to the hardest of the two tasks.
Day 4: Tell someone your plan. Accountability supports follow through.
Day 5: Increase scope slightly on whichever task now feels easier.
Day 6: Review your list of finished items. Note which reframes felt authentic.
Day 7: Decide which two “get to” statements you will keep for the next month.

When “get to” reveals a bigger truth

Sometimes the reframe exposes a mismatch. If you cannot find any honest “get to” in a role or routine, that is useful data. You may need different work, clearer boundaries, or a new goal. The point is not to paint a gray wall a happier color. The point is to see where your energy actually wants to go, then align tasks with that direction.

Bottom line

“Have to” drains. “Get to” directs. The work remains, yet the experience and outcomes change when you move from compulsion to choice. Start small. Rewrite one line. Do one inch. Let the better feeling come from evidence you create, not slogans you recite. Over time, those two words can quietly tilt your days toward ownership, momentum, and a life that matches what you care about.