There’s a quiet myth many people live by without realizing it. It says, “That rule is for you, not for me.” It shows up in small actions and big decisions. Someone might believe in kindness, but treat strangers with contempt. They might value responsibility, but make excuses for their own neglect. They might encourage honesty, yet hide truths when it suits them. This mindset, while often invisible to the person holding it, creates imbalance, distrust, and self-deception.
At its core, this myth is rooted in selective accountability. It assumes that principles are situational, not universal. It says that values apply when convenient and can be ignored when uncomfortable. But real integrity means consistency. If a principle is only followed when it’s easy, it’s not a principle. It’s a preference.
People often fall into this myth without bad intentions. It can stem from stress, pride, or fear. Someone may justify cutting corners because they feel overwhelmed. They may lash out because they feel misunderstood. They may lie to protect their image. But whatever the reason, the moment someone allows themselves to live by a separate set of rules, they create a divide between what they expect from the world and what they offer in return.
This gap damages relationships. Others notice hypocrisy even when it’s not spoken. Trust weakens when people see that fairness and standards are only applied selectively. Leadership collapses when someone demands effort they don’t give. Love erodes when one person always makes the exception for themselves. The cost is real, even if the myth feels convenient in the moment.
Living by “for you but not for me” also breaks something internally. It makes a person less honest with themselves. It blurs the line between who they say they are and how they actually behave. Over time, this leads to a loss of self-respect. When your own values are bent to fit your mood, you no longer stand for anything solid. You drift, react, excuse, and repeat.
The alternative is harder, but stronger. It is to hold yourself to the same standard you expect of others. It is to catch yourself when you’re tempted to make an exception. It is to ask not what you can get away with, but what you should do to stay in alignment. That kind of consistency builds character. It creates clarity. And it earns the respect that shortcuts can never produce.
The truth is, there are no separate rules. Fairness means everyone is included. Integrity means you don’t hide behind your own reasoning. Growth means you treat your own actions with the same critical eye you turn toward others.
The myth of “for you but not for me” is tempting. But it’s also isolating, weakening, and false. The more you shed it, the more solid you become. Principles, when lived fully, don’t limit you. They free you.
