When someone is struggling, it’s natural to want to help. You may offer advice, support, or solutions. But sometimes, despite your efforts, they don’t respond. They dodge conversations, dismiss suggestions, or continue the same patterns. It leaves you wondering — do they really want help, or are they trying to avoid?
The line between those two things can be blurry. On the surface, people may say they want change. They may talk about their problems, complain about their situation, or even ask for advice. But words are easy. What matters more is their behavior. If someone consistently avoids taking action, delays difficult conversations, or refuses to examine their role in the issue, they may not be seeking help — they may be seeking escape.
Avoidance can wear many disguises. It can look like overexplaining. It can show up as humor, distraction, or deflection. It can even look like emotional overwhelm that shuts down all movement. At its core, avoidance is about dodging discomfort. And true help often demands discomfort — facing reality, taking responsibility, and doing the hard work of change.
Wanting help means being willing to engage. It means listening with openness, asking real questions, and accepting that change comes with effort. If someone wants help, you’ll see them make small moves in response — even if they’re unsure or scared. If they only want relief from the pressure of their emotions, they may resist, delay, or ignore what’s offered.
This distinction matters. If you keep trying to help someone who is avoiding rather than engaging, you may wear yourself out. You may enable their avoidance by constantly stepping in. Helping someone who won’t help themselves creates frustration and resentment. You become more invested in their progress than they are.
This doesn’t mean you should withdraw all support. It means you must set boundaries and pay attention. Offer help, but also ask direct questions. Are they willing to change? Are they open to facing discomfort? Are they ready to take a step, however small? If not, your role may need to shift. Sometimes the most helpful thing is to step back and let them reach their own limits.
People have the right to move at their own pace. But they also bear the responsibility for their own decisions. You can’t carry someone across a bridge they refuse to walk.
The difference between seeking help and avoiding truth is action. Watch what they do, not just what they say. And if you must choose between forcing help or letting go, choose clarity. Let them face the discomfort they keep avoiding. Sometimes that is what finally makes them ready to receive real help.
