Most people can feel when something is off in a conversation. The words sound kind, helpful, or neutral, but underneath there is a push, an angle, a quiet pressure. That feeling usually comes from one missing trait: clear motives.
Truth trait: Clear Motives
Agendas are stated plainly rather than implied.
You say what you want instead of hiding it behind politeness, manipulation, or vagueness.
When your motives are clear, people may not always give you what you want, but they are far more likely to trust you. When your motives are hidden, people may sometimes comply, but they rarely feel safe with you.
Why people hide their motives
People often blur or hide their motives because they are afraid of:
- Rejection
- Conflict
- Looking selfish
- Losing control of the situation
So they soften, twist, or cover what they really want:
- They pretend they “just wanted to say hi” when they really want a favor.
- They talk about “what is best for everyone” when they mostly want what benefits them.
- They give a compliment that is really a setup for a request.
The result: others feel something is off, but cannot easily name it. Trust quietly erodes.
What clear motives look like
Clear motives do not mean you dump every selfish thought into the open. It means that:
- You are honest about your main goal.
- You do not pretend your request is mainly for the other person when it is mainly for you.
- You do not wrap pressure in fake concern.
- You let people know what you want and give them room to say no.
It is honesty about direction:
“This is where I am trying to go, and I want you to know that while we talk.”
Good examples of clear motives
Example 1: At work
“I would like you on this project because your name and skill set will help it get approved. It also makes me look more credible having you involved. In return, I will make sure you get credit with leadership. Are you open to that?”
Why this works:
- The agenda is not romanticized.
- There is mutual benefit clearly described.
- The other person can evaluate it with real information.
Example 2: In a relationship
“I want to talk about this weekend because I am feeling a bit neglected and I would like more quality time together. I know you are busy, but my motive here is to feel closer to you, not to control your schedule.”
Why this works:
- The emotional motive is named: wanting closeness.
- It separates the need from control.
- It grounds the conversation in truth rather than guilt.
Example 3: With a friend
“I am asking you for help moving because I do not want to pay movers and I trust you. I know it is a big favor. If you say yes, I will buy food and help you next time you move.”
Why this works:
- The selfish part is not hidden.
- The reciprocity is clear.
- The friend can make an informed decision.
Example 4: Sales or business
“My goal is to earn your business. This product benefits me because I earn a commission, and it benefits you if it really solves your problem. So my motive is both: to make a sale and to make sure it is actually right for you.”
Why this works:
- The financial motive is openly stated.
- It builds credibility compared to pretending to be purely selfless.
Bad examples of unclear or hidden motives
Example 1: Fake concern that is really control
“I just worry about you hanging out with those friends. I want what is best for you.”
Hidden motive: “I am jealous and uncomfortable and I want to limit who you see, but I do not want to admit that.”
Effect: The other person feels smothered and suspicious.
Clear version:
“My real issue is I feel jealous and left out when you go out with them. I know that is my feeling and I am working on it, but I wanted to be honest rather than hiding it behind fake concern.”
Example 2: Guilt based requests
“Wow, must be nice to have all that free time. I could really use some help, but I guess you are busy relaxing.”
Hidden motive: “I want you to help me, but I am afraid you will say no, so I use guilt to push you.”
Effect: The person may help, but they will feel resentful and less willing to help in the future.
Clear version:
“I am overwhelmed and would really appreciate your help for two hours this afternoon. If you are not able to, that is okay, but I wanted to ask directly.”
Example 3: Manipulative flirting
“You are like a little sister to me. I care about you so much.”
Then later: late night messages, jealous questions, physical escalation.
Hidden motive: romantic or sexual interest, but framed as pure “care” or “protection.”
Effect: The other person feels confused, misled, and possibly betrayed when the real agenda surfaces.
Clear version:
“I like you as more than a friend and I want to be honest about that. If you do not feel the same, I still respect you and will adjust, but I do not want to act like this is just sibling energy when it is not.”
Example 4: Corporate spin
“Our restructure is about empowering teams and creating alignment.”
Hidden motive: cost cutting, layoffs, and shifting power upward.
Effect: Employees feel lied to, even if the change is sometimes necessary.
Clear version:
“We are restructuring to cut costs and improve profit. That means some roles will be removed and others will change. It is hard and I know it affects your security. My commitment is to be as transparent as possible about how decisions are made and how it affects you.”
What difference clear motives actually make
1. Trust becomes possible
People do not need you to be perfect. They need you to be predictable.
When your agenda is stated, others can relax. They know what game they are playing and what you are trying to do.
2. Conversations speed up
Hidden motives require layers of politeness, hints, and tests.
Clear motives allow you to get to the point faster:
- “This is what I want.”
- “This is what I am afraid of.”
- “This is what I am offering.”
Less guesswork. Less overthinking.
3. Conflict becomes cleaner
Disagreements do not feel like traps.
If I know your motive, I can disagree with your view without feeling like you are secretly trying to corner me.
You might still clash, but it is a straight clash, not a maze.
4. Respect increases even when people say no
People may refuse your request, yet still respect you:
“I cannot do that, but I appreciate how directly you asked and that you did not guilt trip me.”
Clear motives give others the dignity of choice.
5. Your own character gets stronger
Stating your motives forces you to see them.
Sometimes you realize:
- “My agenda here is petty.”
- “I am mainly trying to win, not solve the problem.”
- “I am pretending this is for them, but it is really for my ego.”
Seeing that clearly is the first step to changing it.
How to practice clear motives
- Before you speak, ask yourself:
- What am I really trying to get here?
- What outcome do I secretly want?
- What feeling am I trying to protect or chase?
- Name your motive early in the conversation
- “My goal in this talk is to find a schedule that works for both of us.”
- “I am hoping to convince you, but I still want to hear your side.”
- “I am nervous even bringing this up, but my motive is to protect our friendship, not damage it.”
- Admit mixed motives
Most motives are mixed. You can say so.- “Part of this is for the team. Part of this is also for my career. I want to be honest about both.”
- Invite a check from the other person
- “If my agenda ever feels hidden or manipulative, I want you to tell me. I may not see it right away, but I want to know.”
- Clean up when you notice you were unclear
If you realize you disguised your motive, go back and correct it:- “I was not fully honest earlier. The real reason I reacted that way is that I felt threatened. I should have said that instead of just making excuses.”
In short
Clear motives are a truth trait that change the entire feel of your presence.
With hidden motives, people feel confused, tense, and quietly unsafe around you, even if you sound nice.
With clear motives, people may not always agree with you, but they know where you stand.
Good or bad news is easier to handle than a foggy agenda.
When you state your motives plainly, you give everyone in the room something solid to stand on, including yourself.
