When therapy doesn’t seem to create change, many clients (and sometimes even therapists themselves) begin to wonder: is the issue with the client, the approach, or the practitioner? If a therapist fails to help a patient make meaningful progress, does it reflect incompetence or a pattern of enabling? This question isn’t just theoretical. It touches on the heart of what therapy is supposed to accomplish — transformation, healing, and autonomy.
Defining the Two Accusations
Incompetence in therapy implies a lack of skill, insight, or appropriate technique. This might mean the therapist:
- Uses outdated or ineffective methods
- Fails to build genuine rapport
- Cannot challenge unhelpful patterns
- Misses key clinical insights
Enabling, on the other hand, suggests a therapist is over-accommodating to a client’s dysfunction. Rather than challenging the client’s avoidance, denial, or resistance, the therapist might:
- Validate unproductive behavior too passively
- Avoid difficult topics to preserve the relationship
- Let sessions drift into venting without structure or goal-setting
Both routes result in stagnation, but the motivations are different. One stems from lack of ability. The other from fear of rupture or the therapist’s own unresolved issues.
How to Tell the Difference
- Duration Without Progress
If months go by without any noticeable insight, behavior change, or increased resilience, something is wrong. Occasional plateaus are normal, but therapy should not feel like endless looping. - Therapist’s Willingness to Challenge
A competent therapist will, at some point, push back — kindly but firmly. If your therapist never offers friction or reflection beyond validation, enabling may be occurring. - Clear Treatment Goals
Competent therapy includes goals, strategies, and periodic check-ins. If a therapist never defines success or progress markers, it may be due to poor training — or reluctance to confront what isn’t working. - Client Dependency Patterns
If a client remains emotionally dependent on therapy for basic functioning over long periods without gaining tools or confidence, the therapist may be fostering a subtle dependency — often unintentionally.
Why Good Therapists Sometimes Enable
Therapists are human. They may avoid confrontation to preserve the therapeutic alliance. They may over-empathize and under-confront because of their own histories. Or they may believe that safety and rapport matter more than challenge, even when change stalls.
Enabling can also stem from a philosophy that “unconditional positive regard” means never disrupting the client’s narrative — even if that narrative is hurting them.
Why Incompetence Happens
Licensing and credentialing don’t always guarantee clinical skill. Some therapists are undertrained or rigid in their methods. Others burn out and begin to coast. And many systems allow ineffective therapy to continue because the risks of calling it out are high — for both clients and clinicians.
What Clients Can Do
- Ask questions: “How will we know when I’ve made progress?” or “What patterns do you see me repeating?”
- Notice the balance: Do you feel supported and challenged?
- Request a shift: If sessions feel repetitive or passive, bring it up. A good therapist will welcome that conversation.
- Consider consultation: A second opinion from another clinician can provide clarity.
Final Thought
When therapy fails to spark transformation, it’s rarely black and white. Sometimes, therapists are unequipped for a client’s needs. Other times, they’re too cautious to challenge. The best practitioners are those who hold space with care and are willing to risk discomfort for growth. A stagnant therapeutic relationship deserves examination — not blame, but brave reflection.
If therapy isn’t helping, it’s okay to ask why. Healing is too important to coast on comfort alone.
