Being asked “What are we?” is a request for clarity, safety, and direction. A good response does three things: names how you feel, states what you want, and offers a next step. Use the scripts below to match your situation.

If you want a relationship

Start with appreciation, add the label, and propose a simple path forward.

• “I like where this is going and I want to be exclusive. How does that feel to you?”
• “I am interested in a committed relationship with you. If you are open to it, let’s talk about what that looks like for both of us.”

If you want to keep exploring

Name your interest and set a short review point.

• “I am invested and still learning about us. I am not ready to label it today. Can we keep seeing each other and check in again in a month?”
• “I want to keep building this and see how it feels with more time together. If that works for you, let’s revisit soon.”

If you want something casual

Be kind and unambiguous.

• “I enjoy what we have and I am not looking for a committed relationship. I understand if that does not fit what you want.”
• “I am available for something casual and honest. If you need more than that, I will respect your boundary.”

If you want commitment but need pacing

State the goal and define the tempo.

• “I do want a relationship and I want to build it at a steady pace. Weekly dates and regular check-ins would help me feel good about this.”
• “Yes to moving toward partnership. I need time to integrate this with work and family. Can we set expectations for time and communication?”

If you are unsure

Share your uncertainty without leaving them in limbo.

• “I care about you and I am unsure what label fits. Here is what I do know: I want to keep showing up and learning. Can we agree on what exclusivity and communication look like while we figure this out?”
• “I am sorting out my feelings. If you need a label now, I may not be able to meet that. If time is possible, I would like to keep going and revisit on a specific date.”

If your answer is no

Respect them with clarity and warmth.

• “I appreciate you and I am not the right match for a relationship. I want to be honest so you can find what you are looking for.”
• “You matter to me, and I do not see this moving into a partnership. Thank you for asking directly.”

If your answer is yes but with boundaries

Say what you are, then set terms that protect both of you.

• “We are partners and I need open communication about plans and finances.”
• “We are exclusive. I also want space for my hobbies and weekly solo time. What boundaries matter for you?”

If you want to buy time without dodging

Give a short window and a promise.

• “This matters and I want to answer thoughtfully. Can we talk on Friday after I have had time to reflect?”
• “I need a day to think. I will bring you a clear answer tomorrow.”

If you want to clarify what they are asking

Sometimes “What are we?” hides a more specific need.

• “Do you mean exclusive, a title, or future plans? I want to answer the right question.”
• “Are you asking about commitment, timing, or how we introduce each other to friends?”

If you want to turn the question back with care

Invite their truth first.

• “I can share my view. Before I do, what do you hope we are?”
• “I have an answer, and I want to hear yours so I do not assume.”

After you answer

Close with a next step so the conversation moves.

• Suggest a check-in: “Let’s check in after two weeks and see how this feels.”
• Name actions: “I will introduce you as my partner at the dinner next weekend.”
• Confirm boundaries: “We will be exclusive and keep our weekly date night.”

Principles to keep in mind

• Be specific. Labels help only when they are defined. Add what exclusivity, communication, and time together mean to you.
• Be kind. Clear and kind beats vague and polite.
• Match words to behavior. Follow your answer with actions that fit.
• Accept the outcome. Their needs might differ from yours. Clarity helps both of you make a good choice.

One simple template

“I feel [emotion]. I want [type of connection]. I can offer [specific behaviors or timelines]. How does that land for you?”

With those elements in place, the question becomes an opportunity to align, not a trap to avoid.