Obsession feels like a feedback loop. A trigger reminds you of the person, your mind floods with images and what ifs, you check their profile or replay conversations, and for a moment the anxiety dips. That short relief teaches your brain to repeat the loop. The goal is not to erase feelings overnight. The goal is to break the loop, reduce compulsive checking, and rebuild attention on your life.

Understand the loop

• Trigger: song, place, silence, boredom, loneliness
• Thought: memories, fantasies, what if scenarios
• Compulsion: texting, stalking online, rereading old messages, asking for reassurance
• Result: short relief followed by stronger craving next time

Labeling the loop turns a fog into a map. Maps are easier to exit.

A 24 hour reset

1. Remove friction: mute or unfollow, archive chats, move photos to an encrypted folder you will not open for 30 days.
2. Write one boundary: no contact for 30 days or strictly practical contact only if you share work or kids.
3. Set a checking rule: zero social media searches of their name, friends, or location.
4. Create a craving plan: when the urge hits, stand up, drink water, take 20 slow breaths, then do a 5 minute task from a prepared list.

Daily playbook

• Urge surfing, 2 minutes: notice the urge in your body, rate intensity from 0 to 10, breathe into it, watch it rise and fall like a wave. Urges pass if you do not feed them.
• Thought labeling: say out loud, I am having the thought that we were meant to be. Name it, do not debate it.
• If then plans: If I want to text them, then I will message my accountability buddy and go for a 10 minute walk.
• Spotlight correction: your mind replays their highlight reel and your lowlight reel. Write two lists that are equal length: good memories and deal breakers or incompatibilities.
• Time boxing: give obsession a box so it does not leak everywhere. Ten minutes of journaling at a fixed time, then close the notebook and move.
• Replacement routines: strength training, a class, volunteering, language practice, building a portfolio piece. Choose two that you can do most days.
• Sleep, food, movement: poor sleep and low blood sugar amplify craving. Aim for consistent bedtime, protein with meals, and daily movement that raises your heart rate.
• Digital hygiene: remove location sharing, disable Memories pop ups, turn off suggested photos, clear autocorrect entries of their name.

Meaning work

Ask three questions and answer them in writing.

1. What need did this person meet for me? Examples: novelty, validation, safety, intensity, identity.
2. Where else can I meet that need in healthy ways that I control? List options you can start this week.
3. What standards will guide my next relationship? Write five non negotiables and five nice to haves.

Contact you cannot avoid

• Keep communication short, kind, and task focused.
• Use one channel only. No late night messages.
• Avoid private one on one meetings when possible. Bring a third context like a colleague or a written agenda.

Signs of progress

• Fewer impulsive checks and shorter rumination episodes
• Longer gaps between urges
• More days that feel full even when thoughts appear
• Contentment from your own actions, not their responses

Relapse protocol

Slips happen. Do not turn one slip into a spiral.

1. Write what happened, what you felt, what you did, and what you will do differently next time.
2. Recommit to your 30 day boundary.
3. Do one energizing task within 15 minutes.

Red lines and safety

If you are tracking their location, contacting their friends to get updates, showing up uninvited, or ignoring stated boundaries, stop and seek professional help. If there is any risk of harm to you or others, contact local emergency services or a trusted support line in your area.

One page plan

• One boundary for 30 days
• One accountability buddy you message daily
• One 10 minute journal box for feelings
• Two replacement routines scheduled on your calendar
• One urge script taped to your phone case
• Mute or unfollow across platforms
• Remove or archive triggers from your environment
• Track checks per day and aim for steady reduction
• Weekly review of progress with a reward you control
• Consider therapy with CBT or ACT if the loop persists

Closing idea

Obsession shrinks when your life expands. Build days you respect. The more meaning you create, the less power a single person holds over your attention.