Human identity is not a fixed object but a shifting construction built partly within the minds of others. Each person you meet forms a mental file about you, a record shaped by what they observe, what they interpret, and what they choose to remember. This means that the version of you that exists in their perception is not complete, but rather a selective story. Anything they do not perceive simply does not exist in that story, no matter how central it may be to your true self.

The Mental File System

Think of every interaction as adding pages to a file. A colleague may fill their file with notes about your work ethic and reliability, while a friend may record your sense of humor and loyalty. Yet, your private struggles, hidden talents, or unspoken dreams are absent from those files if they have not been seen or shared. To them, those parts of you might as well not exist.

This is why people often say different things about the same individual. One person might describe someone as warm and approachable, while another sees them as distant or cold. Both perceptions can be accurate within the limits of what was observed, but neither reflects the total person.

The Gaps in Perception

The absence of certain traits or stories in the mental file has consequences. If someone never sees your moments of kindness, they may never believe you to be compassionate. If they only witness you in high-pressure environments, they may assume you are always serious or tense. What is unseen is simply excluded, leaving the perception partial and sometimes misleading.

This dynamic explains why misunderstandings persist in relationships. One person feels unseen because a vital part of themselves is absent in the other’s perception. Unless revealed, that missing part does not exist in the shared file.

The Reality of Multiple Selves

Each person in your life holds a different version of you, shaped by the fragments they have collected. Together, these versions form a network of identities, none of which perfectly matches your internal experience. In this sense, you exist in multiple ways, each one dependent on the perspective of the observer.

This does not mean that your private self is invalid. Rather, it highlights the dual nature of existence: the inner truth you know and the outer files others construct. Both matter, but they operate in different domains.

How to Influence the File

Since perception defines how others respond to you, being intentional about what you share can shape the file they keep. Consistency, openness, and authenticity make it more likely that their mental record reflects the self you wish to project. Without deliberate expression, people fill in the gaps with assumptions, leaving you at the mercy of their limited perspective.

Conclusion

To others, you exist only in the perception they hold of you. Their mental file is incomplete, but it guides how they relate to you. The parts of yourself they do not see simply do not exist within their framework. This reality is not cause for despair but for awareness. It means that relationships, reputation, and identity are all collaborative constructions. What you reveal, how you act, and what they perceive together shape the version of you that lives in their minds.