The phrase “nice guys finish last” has endured for a reason—it often rings true in competitive environments where self-interest reigns supreme. While we’re taught to value kindness, empathy, and cooperation, there’s no denying that selfish, abrasive, or arrogant behaviors often seem to reap rewards. People who unapologetically put themselves first, colloquially referred to as “assholes,” may lead lives that appear freer, more successful, and, in many cases, happier.

But why is this? What about being an “asshole” translates to a life that, on the surface, looks more fulfilling? Below, we’ll explore the factors that explain why such behavior can result in greater happiness—though not without its caveats.

1. Prioritizing Personal Needs

At the core of many “asshole behaviors” is an unwavering focus on personal priorities. These individuals aren’t bogged down by the guilt of saying “no” or the pressure to conform to societal expectations. By prioritizing their own needs and desires, they preserve their time, energy, and resources for what truly matters to them, leaving little room for resentment or burnout.

Example:
The person who declines an unpaid commitment or skips a dull social gathering to focus on their goals enjoys a sense of control over their life. Meanwhile, the people-pleaser may feel overburdened and underappreciated.

2. Boundaries Without Guilt

Setting boundaries is a key skill for emotional well-being, and “assholes” excel at it. They don’t agonize over how others might feel about their limits—they enforce them unapologetically. This protects their mental health and gives them the freedom to navigate life on their own terms.

Key Takeaway:
Saying “no” becomes a tool for happiness, as it helps avoid unnecessary obligations and preserves time for activities that bring joy or growth.

3. Confidence Is a Happiness Magnet

“Assholes” often radiate confidence, whether it’s justified or not. Confidence fosters a positive self-image, reduces anxiety, and makes challenges feel more manageable. This self-assured demeanor can lead to better opportunities, stronger relationships, and a more optimistic outlook—all contributing to happiness.

Example:
A confident individual might take risks—applying for a higher-paying job, for instance—while a more self-doubting counterpart hesitates. Success breeds happiness, and confidence paves the way.

4. Emotional Detachment Saves Energy

Empathy and emotional involvement, while admirable traits, can be emotionally taxing. “Assholes” often detach themselves from others’ feelings, allowing them to avoid guilt, overthinking, and the emotional labor of constantly worrying about others. This detachment frees up mental bandwidth for their own concerns.

Contrast:
While empathetic people lose sleep replaying awkward interactions, emotionally detached individuals have likely already forgotten about the incident.

5. Short-Term Gains Feel Great

Much of what society labels “asshole behavior” involves a focus on short-term gratification. Whether it’s cutting in line, bending rules, or refusing to compromise, these actions often lead to immediate rewards. While this approach might not build long-term goodwill, the instant wins can create a sense of satisfaction and control.

Example:
The individual who takes shortcuts at work may feel happier in the moment due to reduced stress and quicker rewards—even if it risks their reputation over time.

6. Less Worry About Judgment

Fear of judgment often holds people back from pursuing their desires. “Assholes” seem impervious to this fear, prioritizing their happiness over others’ opinions. This unshakable focus on their own goals and needs can lead to a sense of liberation that contributes to their overall happiness.

Example:
While one person hesitates to negotiate a raise out of fear of being seen as greedy, the assertive individual walks away with better pay—and the confidence boost that comes with it.

7. Mastering the Art of Self-Preservation

Selfishness, when viewed through a different lens, is often just self-preservation. People labeled as “assholes” tend to protect their own interests, time, and energy. By refusing to overextend themselves or make sacrifices that don’t directly benefit them, they maintain a greater sense of balance in their lives.

Key Difference:
While the kind-hearted person sacrifices their weekend for a friend’s last-minute request, the self-focused individual protects their downtime, which can lead to greater personal happiness.

8. They Get What They Want

One undeniable perk of being an “asshole” is that they often succeed in getting what they want. By advocating for themselves—sometimes aggressively—they achieve goals that others might not even attempt to pursue. Success brings validation, opportunities, and material benefits, all of which contribute to a sense of happiness.

Example:
A brash negotiator might secure a better deal than someone hesitant to push boundaries, resulting in financial and emotional satisfaction.

The Happiness Trade-Offs

While being an “asshole” can lead to a seemingly happier life, it’s not without its costs. Long-term relationships, trust, and personal reputation can suffer when selfishness crosses into manipulation or cruelty. The happiness derived from self-serving behavior may also lack depth, as it’s often rooted in short-term wins rather than meaningful connections or personal growth.

Empathetic individuals, on the other hand, may endure more stress and frustration in the short term but often find deeper fulfillment through meaningful relationships and a positive legacy.

Conclusion: Lessons from “Assholes”

The happiness of assholes lies not in their abrasive behaviors but in the principles they embrace: setting boundaries, advocating for themselves, and letting go of unnecessary guilt or societal pressures. These strategies can serve as valuable lessons for anyone seeking greater balance and happiness in life—without abandoning kindness and integrity.

While being an asshole may lead to short-term happiness, the key to sustainable joy lies in blending self-interest with empathy. After all, it’s possible to prioritize your well-being without stepping on others along the way.